Total Drama Revival
by Neurotic Nebula
Summary: After a five year hiatus, Chris attempts to relive his glory days by rebooting the series with a new setting and a new cast. 24 teens will be thrust together on an island called Christopia approximately 1,657 miles from the nearest civilization. With romances blooming, friendships forming, enemies quarreling, and drama unfolding, who will win one million dollars?
1. Prologue: The Promo

Chris McLean was not happy.

He should be, though. He retired early, he looked not a day over thirty, and he maintained a net worth more than the Canadian Prime Minister. He had enough money to pay off debts of countries, and he could have any woman he wanted. His life was one most people dreamed of living. He achieved the pinnacle of success.

And yet, Chris could not stop his eyes bugging out, his mouth dropping, his indignant "What?!" as he read the headline:

 _Ridonculous Race Ranks as #1 Reality Show of All Time_

This can't be! Total Drama held that title for more than ten years, ever since its debut as Total Drama Island. And yet _Don_ —that generic, uninteresting ass—and his show surpassed Total Drama! And Ridonculous Race barely started its fifth season!

"Chef, did you see this?" Chris demanded, waving his arms up and down, dropping the phone in his lap. He and Chef Hatchet were lounging on a beach on lawn chairs, umbrellas shielding them from the hot sun. Chris was browsing online on his phone and Chef had simply basked in the sun, dozing off until interrupted by the ex-TV host.

"What?" The man gruffly mumbled.

"Don and his damn show beat ours! How could this happen? Our freaking reruns have more viewers than him." Well, _had_ now technically speaking, but Chris refused to correct himself.

"We haven't had a season since Pahkitew Island," said Chef Hatchet. "We've been off air for five years. People don't want to watch the same stuff over and over again."

Chris harrumphed. "Well, we cannot allow this to happen! Total Drama was the best thing to be ever seen on TV. We will not let Don take my hard earned title away from me. We're bringing it back!"

Chef Hatchet rolled his eyes. "Where are we gonna have it, genius? Every country has you banned from having a future season in their borders."

"Hmm…" Chris tapped his chin, as he looked up at the crystal clear sky above. "Aha! I got it! We'll just have it on my island here!" He exclaimed, referring to the tropical island Chris bought a year and a half ago on a whim, the very one he and Chef were residing on. "Technically we're not in any jurisdiction, so we can do whatever we want."

He picked up his phone and began dialing the keypad. "I can have my lawyers pitch the new idea to the producers first thing tomorrow morning. We'll have to make a few adjustments on the island, and then we can start premiering the promo by next week. You in for some more fun like the good old days, Chef?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Chef said, chuckling darkly with Chris.

 **::**

The commercial that was just playing faded to black. In black and white, scenes of previous seasons of Total Drama played. The first scene is of the Screaming Gophers partying in front and inside the hot tub they built in the first season. The next shot is of Beth, DJ, Gwen, and Trent on the set of Total Drama Action, stunned as the green monster stepped near them. Then, the scene switched to Jasmine and Shawn making a variety of acrobatic moves as they avoided lasers during the Pahkitew Island malfunction.

More scene continued to play as Chris narrated over the visuals. "More than fifty teens have taken on the challenge of the world's greatest reality. You watched them win…"

Duncan jumped from the throne after winning TDA, with streamers falling from the sky and a purple-faced Courtney hugging him.

"You watched them fail…"

Team Toxic Rats groaned collectively after watching the nice house during TDROTI explode into pieces. Lightning fell to his knees, Sam brought his hands to his head, and Scott face palmed.

"You watched them fall in love…"

Alejandro pulled Heather into a kiss atop the volcano in TDWT. Moments later, she kneeled him in the groin, and he fell on his butt, holding his manhood.

"You watched their hearts break…"

Trent, shirtless and his hair wet, looked towards the ground as Gwen, her hand on his shoulder, broke up with him.

The screen froze.

"Have you ever wondered what would have happened if _you_ were in their shoes? Well, now you can!" The camera focused on him as he stood on a newly made dock in front of his island, which had a luscious scenery of tropical trees, sand, and a blue sky. He wore a Hawaiian shirt and a necklace of flowers around his neck. "After a five year hiatus, Total Drama is being rebooted with new contestants and a new location. A whole new cast will get to have the opportunity to compete on Christopia, my personally-owned island approximately 1,657 miles away from the nearest civilization."

He walked across the dock, continuing to talk. "This season, twenty-four teens will get the chance to compete for one million dollars! While having the privilege of getting to stay on my beautiful island, they will have the most dramatic summer of their life. Some will find friends, and most will make enemies. Others will fall in love or crush the hearts of their admirers. But most will perish as one lone teen will remain as the winner, in a season that will break or make the minds and spirits of everyone involved. No previous season will compare to what is in stored this year."

Chris stopped. "If you think you have what it takes to win and survive, send your auditions on our official website. Stay tuned for the first installment of Total Drama Revival!"


	2. Prologue: The Cast (Part 1)

So, most contestants have been chosen and I wanted to update people if their OCs have been chosen. Instead of doing just a list format, I decided to make things interesting and wrote Chris and Chef Hatchet's first reactions to the teens' applications and auditions. This is how I interpret their method of madness in how they would choose people.

The first half contestants will be shown here, and the other half will be in the next chapter. If you don't see your character(s), they will either be shown in the next part or are still being decided if they should be featured.

I changed some things in the audition tapes, but it was mostly because of grammar and formatting errors. Also as a warning the rating will go to M once I get the next part out. It's mostly because of themes such as some drug/alcohol use and language. But nothing too sexual outside of possible making out will occur.

 **EDIT: The final cast has been selected. Thank you all for your OCs. It was fun reading everyone's applications. More than forty characters were submitted, so not all of them could be accepted. Good luck to those who weren't accepted, and congrats to those that were!**

 **::**

Chris McLean sipped his Margarita. In the distance he watched construction workers finish the final touches to a two-story condo that the future winning team would reside in when the new season began; it was one of the many adjustments that Christopia would have to go through to be a perfect torture chamber.

One thing Chris loved about his mansion was the clear view of what happened from the terrace. His home was built on the highest point of one of the cliffs that surrounded the island, adding more of an enclosed vibe to the island than just the body of water that surrounded Christopia from all sides.

"Are you done stroking your ego yet?" Chef Hatchet barked from inside the mansion. "We have to start going through the applications if we're gonna meet the deadline!"

"Relax, Chef." Chris drank more of his drink. "The network gave me complete control over the show. What I say goes." As he talked, he turned around, looking at a glowering Chef Hatchet.

The cook sat at a table. Surrounded him were almost one hundred thousand applications and auditions that flooded the network's website and inbox, and more were on their way. Papers stood in ten feet columns around the room, taking up most of the space. "I don't care who's in charge. If another one of these damn piles falls on me again, then I will set the island on fire!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine! Sheesh." Dodging stacks of applications that were set near the terrace, Chris sat at the other end of the table and set his drink down. "You know the drill," said Chris. "Read the app one time. If nothing catches your eye, it goes into the trash. If they do, give their name, their age, and their stereotype."

With that, Chris and Chef began to read. Neither of them said a word in the process, but one would occasionally murmur, scoff, or shake his head after a first read. Then they'd crumple up the papers and throw them away in the trash. More than half the time they said nothing to each other unless an application they read appeared to be interesting.

"How about Keith Quinton?" asked Chef. "He's sixteen and a circus performer. He's also from England."

"No way! British people are rude. But I do have a Meghan Ashford. Seventeen and a farm girl. She's a horse lackey and won a state fair championship."

"We are not bringing any more people from farms. Scott was from a farm, and he smelled like shit wherever he went."

Chris crinkled his nose. "You're right." He ripped the application in half and threw the rest away. He continued to reject application after application for another fifteen minutes until he stumbled upon one that made him read it aloud. "Elias Jackson. Seventeen and a suck up."

"A suck up?" Chef reiterated. "That might be something. Pull up his video."

Chris opened and turned on a laptop that was already set on the table. Entering the database of all of the applicants' videos, he searched up "Elias Jackson" and clicked on the one name that matched.

 **::**

 _The camera flickered on to show a white ceiling._

 _"No, down here," a voice said, and the camera was pulled downward, showing a very short kid with black hair and glasses. The entire wall behind him was covered with Total Drama posters. "Hello Total Drama! I'm Elias Jackson. I have been watching your show since I was a kid, and it is AMAZING!" He yells._

 _"Anyway, I have a variety of skills to bring to the competition, so choose me!" He says, smiling. He reaches for the camera, and thinking it turned off, he turned around. He started tearing down the Total Drama posters. "Let's see if that'll get me on," he muttered. The audition tape ended._

 **::**

"A wise guy, eh?" Chef said. "We can show him a few things that'll knock some sense into him. I vote yes."

Chris nodded. "Agreed." He placed the papers into a special bin that was next to the trash can. Once the men voted for a teen, they placed him or her into the "The Chosen Bin". If there were more than twenty-four teens chosen, they went through the pile and again strip each teen to the tiniest of details to see who could bring the most drama or excitement.

But that took forever. And more often than not, the trash pile was thrown out five or six times before they agreed on a teen together.

As an intern picked up the rejected submissions to throw out, Chef Hatchet read aloud, "Halona-Evelyn Ivory."

"Ugh, that's too long of a name to remember," Chris groaned. "Throw her away."

"I'm not done yet!" Chef growled. "There's more. She's eighteen and a teen mom."

Chris, who took another sip from his Margarita, nearly choked and sputtered, "What?! Really?"

Chef skimmed through the application again. "Yup. Two kids."

Regaining composure, Chris rubbed his chin. "Now that would stir up some controversy. And controversy equals viewership."

The man searched her name and played the video.

 **::**

 _The camera screen was dark, but faint child-like voices were heard giggling. Little footsteps were heard as the camera goes from being dark to showing the grey carpet of a living room. The camera angle was sideways and two little bodies sit in front of it. Not much can be seen but little hands playing with a few toy cars._

 _"Vroom Vroom!" A little boy made the truck run into his sister's foot. This prompted the little girl to let out a loud and horrible shrieking sound. In a flash, someone else is in the room. She couldn't be seen, but her voice could be heard._

 _"What's wrong, Ellie?" The voice asked, worried. The little girl mumbled something inaudible and the young mom scolded her son for running into his sister. She put the girl down and picked up the camera._

 _"I've been looking everywhere for this! I need to do my Total Drama audition," she said to herself. She points the camera upright and she comes on screen._

 _She was a small, red-haired teenager smiling at the camera. The two children were in the background. The little girl abandoned the truck for a doll._

 _"My name is Halona-Evelyn Ivory, but everyone calls me Halo for short. I want—" she's cut off by a scream._

 _"Mommy! Ellie's being a meanie!" The little boy pointed at his sister. The woman sighed and bent down to deal with the children. Once she finished, she smiled back at the camera._

 _"Anyway, I love Total Drama and honestly, I need a break from being Mommy for a little while. I love my kids, but I'm going crazy. I can bring a lot to the show! First off, I'm great at keeping peace between people. If I can handle twin fights, I can handle anything. Secondly, I have always wanted to be on Total Drama. I have determination and…" She was cut off again by both the twins crying._

 _She took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead before giving the camera a pleading look.  
_

 _"I need a break from kids. Please help, I mean pick, me," she sighed as the screams got louder. She turned the camera off and it went black._

 **::**

"Damn, that's kind of sad." Chef Hatchet shook his head, his voice sounding sympathetic.

Chris, unfazed, replied, "As long as she doesn't come onto me to be a sugar daddy, I'll vote for her."

Chef nodded, and Chris tossed the papers in the bin.

A few more applications were placed in the Chosen Bin but most were thrown away. Another hour or so passed when Chris found an application he liked. "Willam Visage. Eighteen and a drag queen. Ha, we found someone like you, Chef!" Chris joked. Chef responded by pulling out a butcher knife and stabbing Chris' end of the table. Glass underneath cracked. Chris barely moved in time, his hands clutching Willam's application. "I'll start the video," he said, laughing nervously.

 **::**

 _The scene opened to Willam in drag and sitting on her bed._

 _"Halleloo, Willam is here! I like long walks on the beach, big dicks, and chocolate cake. If there is one thing I know, it's that a hit show needs a big personality. Honey, I am the biggest personality there is. My entire world revolves around big hair, big boobs, and my big mouth. People might call me a bitch, but that's because I am. Let me explain to you what a bitch is: Being In Total Control of Herself. And that's me, in a nutshell."_

 _Willam's playful demeanor changes, and she was now serious._

 _"In all seriousness, I need to be here. There are people younger than me that feel so alone—think that they're freaks. I'm gonna prove that I'm just as capable as the rest of these skanks here. I'm the best you'll get for this show. Don't you want the best?"_

 _Willam became playful again. "Face it, if you don't put me in, you run the risk of ending up with another Leonard or Staci. You don't want that now, do you?" Willam gets up and kisses the camera, leaving a lipstick mark on the screen. "I'll be waiting for your call. A bientot!"_

 **::**

"Noble cause, unique style, and a diva. I think we got a good applicant here! What do you think, Chef?"

"Acceptable," was all Chef grumbled, going back to reading a new application.

As Chris placed Willam's applicant into the "good" pile, he ordered an intern to throw another pile of unwanted candidates away. Chris ordered another intern to grab him more applications. The male grabbed and carried an armful of applications, setting them down on the table beside the knife.

"And take that away." Chris pointed to the weapon Chef stabbed into the table. As the intern wrapped his hands around the handle and pulled, struggling to dislodge the knife, Chris took a submission and read. "Meh… too much like Duncan," he commented, throwing the papers away.

But the next set of papers he read most definitely caught his eyes, if only for the picture. Each applicant was required to submit a picture. Most of the people chosen so far were between a seven and an eight, with an occasional five thrown in for some variety. But the guy's looks rivaled Justin and Alejandro!

"Check this guy out, Chef! His name is Devian Khan. He prefers Dev, he's seventeen, and he's a freaking _Adonis_."

"Adonis?" Chef repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Chris held up the picture, and upon seeing the teen Chef whistled. He and Chris failed to notice the intern fall over, successfully holding the knife in his hands.

Chef said. "Wow. He's gotta be a nine, maybe ten. Let's see what he looks in video."

The TV host searched for Dev's full name and played the video.

 **::**

 _The scene opened to a male midway into climbing a tree, tying a type of net to the base of the tree. It was shown to be Dev, his long hair out in the wind and him clad in a white tank top, with unique salmon colored bottom robes, looking a tad like shorts. He also had some sandals on._

"He looks even better in action!" Chris interjected.

 _"Honey, remember to not damage that camera! It cost nearly as much as your father's and my wedding!" A shrill feminine voice spoke out, causing Dev to roll his eyes._

 _"I know, I know, Amma." He spoke restlessly, revealing to have a thick Indian accent with his semi deep voice. "I'll be very careful." He then looked at the camera, giving an evil grim smile on his attractive features. "Total Drama! I've been watching a lot of you for almost 3 years! I found out too late." He chuckled nervously, putting the last finishing touches on the security of the net. "You're...ugh..one of the greatest reality shows..or the only one...I've ever seen." He grinned, straining his voice to tighten the last knot, and he sighed in relief, jumping down from the tree._

 _He brushed himself off and smiled. "I'm pretty great with the outdoorsy stuff..and it took me a bit to learn your language too. Thank Amma for that one." He winked. "But let me tell you something, between you and me." His face got closer for closer to the camera, it suddenly contorting into one expression of fear. "I HATE IT HERE. I want out from a place I never left! I want to be the normal American teenaged boy, filled with the luxury life...instead of doing chores! And working out instead of having some fun 'round here!" He then had his face into one of realization. "Wait...you guys are Canadian, right?" He said meekly._

 _The nonexistent audience didn't get a chance to answer as a splash and the sound of rustling leaves emitted from the background near that small river by the tree. Dev gasped, and settled the camera back on the stump it was resting on, going behind the tree he was previous climbing and snickering. "I got him! This damn alligator been back here for too long! I hate these slimy...disgusting freaks!" He whispered harshly, hearing more splashes. He then looked at the camera with glee and shushed it, waiting for the prey to fall into his little trap._

 _In a turn of events, the alligator was traveling behind the way Dev thought he was going, arriving right behind him and growling. Dev widened his eyes and screamed, backing away rather slowly from the reptile while it drew closer and closer. "Nice alligator...Want to hear an ancient folktale from Pitaji?" He asked nervously, before he stepped on his own trap and screeched, the whole thing collapsing as he was suspended from the air upside down, the bambu and rope attached to his bitten foot. He suspended with his hair flowing from gravity, and he squeaked, his hair grazing the lake. "Aw, crap!"_

 _"Devian! What's going on out there?!" A male voice boomed out in the same Indian accent he had._

 _"Nothing...Pitaji!" He slurred a tiny bit, the blood flow starting to affect his head. The alligator smirked at him, and wiggled its way to where the camera was resting, and Dev noticed just on time. "No, you stupid alligator! Don't touch that fr-"_

 _The alligator dropped the camera to spite him, having it fall and crash, static ending the video and cutting Dev off._

 **::**

Chris and Chef looked at each other. Neither of them had to say anything to agree that Dev was a goldmine of an applicant to accept.

A half hour passed. They have been going through teens hoping to be a part of the reboot for almost four hours. Only about thirty out of the five thousand or so applications they read so far were regarded as possibilities. While it seemed humanely impossible how two (middle-aged) men could go through so many in such a short time, they developed a sixth sense that could detect almost instantly who would be a source of entertainment or not.

The ex-military man broke the silence. "Maeve Marks. She is sixteen, from Sweden, and…" Chef held in laughter. "A caregiver."

"She did _not_ put that on her application. Lemme see." Chef tossed Chris the papers. Chris' eyes went straight to the line where teens were required to label themselves in two to five words (a.k.a. their "stereotype"), and sure enough this Maeve girl wrote that down as part of her description. "She totally did!" Chris laughed.

 **::**

 _The audition tape played. Maeve was sitting in a grassy field, and she smiles shyly, waving to the camera. "Hello, hello, hello," She greeted, with a red tinge covering her cheeks. "I'm Maeve Marks and I would like to be on your show...if that's okay!" She blushed. "I didn't mean to be, to be, to be so forward, I just wanted you to know that I'm excited to at least have a chance to partake in it. I have some skills that I think would benefit your, your, your, your show."_

 _She perked up, "N-not saying that I'm above anyone else and amazingly talented...I'm not really much good at anything, but I think that maybe it would be nice to have a, a, a calmer person on the show..." She sighed. "Okay, well, I think that's all. Goodbye and thank you for, for, for, for, for taking the time to l-look at this."_

 **::**

Chris wiped a tear away. "This is too rich. She's so sweet it hurts."

"And we do need some 'innocents' to corrupt," added Chef Hatchet. Both approved Maeve and continued the search.

"Intern One!" Chris shouted. The intern whose job was to empty the unwanted applicants immediately ran to his side. "Get me another Margarita. Make it strawberry." The intern nodded and rushed to the kitchen.

"That's your third Margarita. If you keep drinking you're gonna slip in someone like Max in the pile again." Chef Hatchet commented.

Chris shrugged. "He was funny, wasn't he?"

Chef Hatchet rolled his eyes and said nothing.

Two hundred sixty-two applications and half a Margarita later, Chris spoke, "Doron-Jonathon Green. Prefers to be called Ronnie. Eighteen and a… Rastafarian? What the hell is that?" Chef shrugged. After a quick Google search, Chris read Wikipedia's article on the religion, and he scratched his head. "I don't understand what it is, but let's see what this dude's about."

 **::**

 _The video started off by showing a young Jamaican man sitting on a couch. He has on a green t-shirt, khaki cargo shorts, green sneakers, and a green, black, red, and yellow Rasta cap. He was smoking a blunt and he started to cough hard. There was ganja smoke filling the room._

 _"Ronnie. You said you were serious about this," said a voice from behind the camera many Total Drama fans recognize._

 _"Me na care, DJ," retorted Ronnie, "Tey be stoopid bloodclaut fools to not acksept me foh dey program."_

 _"Well do something, ass," DJ responded._

 _"Weeeell, you're the batty bwoy," Ronnie insulted DJ._

 _"Wat ya say you lickle bitch boombaclaut buggamon," DJ responded._

 _"Quiet, cocky dutty chi chi mon." Ronnie continued, "Well, chi chi mon producers for dis Totally Dramatic program-"_

 _"Total Drama," DJ interrupted._

 _"Drama TV."_

 _"Total Drama."_

 _"Drama Boys."_

 _"Total Drama."_

 _"Same ting."_

 _DJ turned the camera to himself and rolled his eyes. He turned the camera back to Ronnie._

 _"Naygah, aye will slap ya." The video ended._

 **::**

"DJ sure changed a lot," said Chef. "That boy was practically scared of his own shadow."

Chris shrugged. "Meh, he's old news. Let's get the open stoner on the show," Chris said. Chef nodded his approval, and the man set the application in the accepted bin.

Over the years during the first runs of Total Drama, Chris had to keep the show PG-13 to keep his job. That was no easy feat when he was stuck with horny, dumb teenagers. By law he had to conduct searches and confiscate any illegal substance he found, destroying them to not have a scandal that would shut down his show. And don't even get him started with trying to keep some of the girls from getting knocked up (namely Lindsay and Bridgette).

But as seasons went by, Chris cared less about what the teens did. As long they didn't do anything on camera, in front of him, or harmed each other seriously, he was fine. (Hell, that Shawn kid ate shrooms every day as a way to 'Keep his mind on alert from the zombies'). And since Chris' new island remained undiscovered until Chris found it, it technically didn't belong to any country, so Chris had pretty much no laws to follow. His only limits were the United Nations telling him if he "violated human rights" (which were, funnily enough, signed away in their contracts).

"Did you hear me?" Chef asked.

"Hmm? What?"

Chef repeated, "Saoirse Brennan. Seventeen. Stuck-up Rich Girl."

"Those are always fun to watch." Chris said, already looking up her name in the database for her audition.

 **::**

 _Saoirse was sitting in a black room, with a vase full of roses and a PowerPoint on the wall behind her.  
_  
 _"Hello Chris." She looked at the camera, smiling. "I'm Saoirse Brennan, daughter of entrepreneurs Antonia and Frederick Brennan. I am a big fan of Total Drama as you see here."_

 _Saoirse beckoned at someone behind the camera to change the slide. There were pictures of Saoirse with past contestants like Heather, Duncan, Max, Scarlett and Scott._

 _"But the Ridoncolous Race had to ruin Total Drama. I was completely mad at this. Until today, I'm here to put Total Drama back in the number one spot and crush the Ridonculous Race"_

 _Saoirse smiled and leaned in closer to the camera. "Only if I get accepted." She kissed the camera, leaving behind a pink lipstick stain. "Au Revoir!"_

 **::**

Chef grumbled, "Why do none of these brats ever greet me? I'm the other half of the show."

Chris ignored him. "Not many of the teens we picked so far are 'rich', and I like her presentation. Rich people who don't need the money are always fun to watch compete. I vote yes."

"Fine. Whatever." Chef said, lazily tossing Saoirse's application with the others. Now they had forty-seven possible teens that could be chosen, but there were still tens of thousands of applicants to go through.

Nearly twenty minutes passed when Chef found another applicant that appeared to be eye-catching. "Charolette Moreau. Seventeen. Hacker."

"Hacker? Hmm, that might be someone cool."

 **::**

 _As the static dispersed from the camera, a room came into view, fairly dark, though with a few posters, all for various nerdy activities, and technical equipment strewn about. In the middle was a fairly nerdy looking girl, glasses having the glare of a screen, and shabby though observant in her appearance, looking as if she had been up for a few days, before speaking with a heavy French-Canadian accent, though not to the camera. "Waiting… Waiting… D-Done…"_

 _Sighing, she quickly closes the laptop, as if not wanting anyone to see anything, laying it on her lap before staring at the camera. "G-Good morning, evening... Whatever, I s-suppose, Total Drama. I am Charolette. I kn-know you probably think I am just an ugly... W-weird girl. And you are r-right, I guess. I am not good with people, but I am good a-at people. I can analyze them, f-find out what I want through… things…"_

 _Tilting her head to the side, she sighed. "I am not the best at speaking, b-but I just know I can do some crazy shit... Stuff y-you would like... You and your dramatic persona." Taking many breaks as if it's hard to speak, she quickly threw her computer at a pillow, screaming out. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!"_

"Holy shit!" Chris exclaimed, dramatically leaning back into his chair. Chef raised an eyebrow at the video.

 _There was a burn mark on her dress. "I HAD BEEN ON FOR FUCKING DAYS, FUCK!" Staring an aggressive tirade, she stops and sighs at the camera. "G-god this looks bad… S-Sorry!" Running at the camera, whimpering lightly, she tries to turn it off, before tripping on a cord, slamming it into the wall behind, shutting it off, after a cracked screen and some static._

 **::**

"That was…" Chef trailed off.

"Weird." Chris finished for him.

Chef said, "She's got issues."

Chris nodded. "Yeah… Perfect issues to exploit!" He downed the rest of his Margarita and shoved it into Intern Two's hands. "I'm hungry. Make me nachos, and make sure the cheese is eighty-eight degrees." He told the male, who nodded and left.

"Get me a Corona," Chef told him as the younger guy passed him. "With a slice of lime." Again the intern nodded as he left.

"Whatever happened to not drinking?" Chris asked, throwing Charolette's application into the bin like a basketball.

The cook said, "I don't drink until after five."

Chris looked at his watch. The time read 5:08. They've been working since about 11:45. Huh. Time went by fast when you're partly inebriated and reading and watching pathetic kids trying to get their claim to fame.

Fifteen minutes later, Chris was munching on nachos and Chef took a gulp of his drink. They rejected more applications until Chris gasped.

"Oh my god!"

"What?" Chef looked up from his paper.

"Darren Blakely applied! He applied to _my_ show."

Chef deadpanned. "Who?"

"Uh, Darren Blakely? Y'know, the Broadway star. "

"I have no idea who you're talking about."

Chris rolled his eyes. "I'll show you who he is. It might jog your memory," he said, pulling up Darren's audition video.

 **::**

 _The screen was dark for a minimal amount of seconds until a young and handsome teen comes into focus on screen. He appears to be in a theatre background, due to the huge Broadway stage behind him and the hustling and bustling of the people around him, all dressed in unique costumes that seem to have come right out of the 50's era. He, in particular was clad in a plain white T-shirt under a black leather jacket, with black jeans, and black shoes._

 _"Are we rolling, Jake?" he had asked the man behind the camera._

 _A simple nod was signified._

 _"Cool," he smiled, "Hey Total Drama. I'm Darren Blakely, and I'm interested in being on your show."_

 _On screen, a young lady dressed rather professionally had come up to him with a clipboard in her hand._

 _"Darren, don't forget we're running the show from the top in 5 minutes."_

 _He gave a generous smile to her. "Thank you, Karen."_

 _She grinned back and continued to walk on in the busy background crowd._

 _"So I guess I better hurry this up before show time. I want to be on Total Drama to show everyone that there's more to me than what they see on stage. Sure, my fans are super supportive, and the cast and crew are great, but... I want to step out of the Broadway scene for a while and interact with regular teens my age for a change, and just have a fearless- tabloid free experience for once in my life."_

 _A girl passed in front of the camera in a floral, yellow dress._

 _"Sorry Darren," she apologized and quickly walked on by._

 _"It's okay," he called out to her._

 _He continued._

 _"I want people, not to know me as Marius from Les Mis or Danny Zuko from Grease," he motioned to his current costume, "but as Darren Blakely—seventeen year old boy. Plus it'd be really cool to meet new people and to challenge myself to reach new limits. I heard your show can give me the experience I'm looking for, Chris."_

 _"All actors on set. I repeat, all actors on set." A loud booming voice was heard echoing around the theatre._

 _"Well, that's my cue. I hope you consider me to be on your show. You won't regret it. Bye!"_

 _He waved to the camera before the tape goes to static._

 **::**

"Yup, I definitely have no idea who that is," Chef said, as he drank his Corona.

"Well, he happens to be an actual celebrity. Not a fake one like Dakota was. This is so great—don't you know how many viewers this will bring? The network will worship me."

Chef grunted, "So yes from you?"

"Yeah! You?"

"He looks like a pampered boy who needs a reality check." Chef scoffed, murmuring a 'yes' as he threw out the application he was reading before Chris' reaction. Chris did the same thing in the other bin.

A half hour later, both Chris and Chef found interesting applications.

"I got one here," said Chef.

"Same. Who's your kid?"

Chef Hatchet squinted at the font. "Koo… Kouros Telamon Alessandro."

"Really, Chef?! What is it with you picking people with names that are longer than a limo?"

The man shrugged. "It sounded exotic." He tossed the application to Chris, who caught it and scanned through it quickly. "He's seventeen and a doll or something." Chef said, though his words fell on deaf ears.

"Why can't we just use people whose names are like…Bob or John? How am I supposed to remember Couscous?"

"Kouros."

"Whatever! Ugh, fine, my teen can wait, I guess. Let's see what he's got."

 **::**

 _The camera opened to the interior of a large Venetian manor. An older woman with too-thick lips and a dancer's bun strode into the frame, her gown's bustle trailing behind her like a peacocks train. She smiled at the camera person, who remained unseen, their lackluster movement and subtle sighs indicate a haggard, possibly underpaid, employee._

 _"Step lively now, Agnus. You know, Total Drama, our Kouros was just recently cast as Siegfried in Swan Lake. A national sensation, you know. But our n—ahem, his name, will be world famous once he wins your next season. That's been our d—ahem, pardon me, HIS dream, for years now. Kouros, come out here a moment!"_

 _In entered a young man, his hunched shoulders and glassy cat-eyes aging him far past his seventeen years. He resembled an exotic pet, mistreated into submission._

 _"Tell the casting people about yourself, Kouros, tell them about your dancing, your-"_

 _He hesitated, his hands trembling, before his mother yanked him toward her, letting him a bit too vigorously. "Did I mention he's known nationwide? He is."_

 _She continued her rant, her boy smiling sheepishly, until the camerawoman finally sighs too audibly. The scene soon devolved, Mrs. Alessandro shrieking about her gilded ancestry and threatening the camera woman's job, Kouros slipping out of the frame at first opportunity._

 **::**

"Dang. That boy's mom is terrible. She's scarier than me, and that's saying something." Chris said. "He doesn't look like he wants to be on our show, though. Should we vote Kuzco in?"

"It's _Kouros_." Chef hissed. "I say yes."

Chris shrugged and set the application into the bin. Afterwards, Chris said, "My teen is Jessica Mannex. Aged eighteen and The Rowdy Bitch."

Chef chuckled. "Interesting. Not many of these brats are gutsy to admit that. Play the video."

 **::**

 _The camera turned on to show a girl letting loose on a punching bag. It panned around to show how the other fighters were staring in awe, and the camera found its way back to her as she delivered her final punch. As she shakes her hands out, she nods towards the camera and the cameraman approaches her. The camera zooms in a bit, showing the sweaty blonde as she wipes her face with a towel before wrapping it around her neck. She smiles and sits on the edge of the ring._

 _"I hope you enjoyed the show McLean, not many people get the honor to watch me wail like that." Two people come up to high five her before she continued. "Anyways, here's the deal. My name is Jessica Mannex and as I just showed I'm a girl who has a bit of a background in some fist throwing. It comes in real handy when you want to teach people a lesson."_

 _She paused to take a drink from her water bottle and tosses it into a recycling bin. "A lot of the girls you had in the past liked to act like no one could touch them, but I'm here to prove what it truly means to be untouchable. I'll show those pansies a thing or two about earning and keeping respect." She pats her face a bit more to get rid of any remaining sweat, and cringes at how wet it feels. "Yeah, I promise you that I clean up really well. I don't always look this grody." She runs her fingers through her hair and blows air out of her mouth, thinking of what to say next. "Well, I think I said it all. Pick me Chris, people are going to love watching me win it all."_

 **::**

"I dunno. She's giving off an Eva vibe, and you know how that went." Chris said, scanning through her application again.

Chef finished the alcoholic drink and tossed it over his shoulder. Intern One barely caught it before it landed on the ground and smashed into pieces. "But she's got some guts and spirit. And I do love to break spirits."

They approved Jessica and continued working. Chef and Chris worked for another few hours, drinking and talking and making fun of more applicants. Some were lucky enough to make it into the Chosen Bin, but most were rejected.

"Paul Clarke. Seventeen. Online movie critic," recited Chef before he bit into a part of his sandwich.

Chris shook his head. "His name sounds too close to Paul Blart. I don't want anything related to Kevin James on my show."

Chef snickered, saying, "You still mad at what happened at the party four years ago?"

"Why wouldn't I? He ran over my _hand_ trying to show off with that stupid scooter—and not to mention ruined my hair! It took seven six to grow and fix it. _Switching the subject_ ," Chris said, "how about Saraphina Laural Black. Sixteen and a bad girl."

"So edgy." Chef said, rolling his eyes. He looked at a clock on the wall. "Well, it's getting pretty late and I'm tired. Might as well play this one last video."

 **::**

 _The static cleared up and Sara's face come into view. "Uh, hi! I'm Sara I'm sixteen, I—"_

 _She was cut off by a loud crash and a woman screaming, "Sara! Another fight!? You are—"_

 _"I'm making an audition video, Linda, so shut it!" Sara snarled._

 _The woman huffed in the background, "That is Ms. Harper to you—"_

 _"Do you really want to flaunt the fact that you're sixty-five and unmarried?"_

 _"Oh! The only reason I hope you get onto this show is to have some peace around here, even if it will only be for one week!" she snapped._

 _"If you wanted peace, why become an orphanage director? Who has to take care of kids 24/7?" Sara asked, rhetorically. Loud footsteps were heard coming towards her. "Oh snap, she's pissed." Sara chuckled. "So, anyway, I think I should be on the show because I wanna show people though I wasn't raised by loving supporting parents and didn't study like normal people. I am just as good as they are. Furthermore, if I do win, I'll make sure part of the money goes to this orphanage to help the kids here and the rest will be for my college fund; unless I get the performing arts scholarship I'm pegging for, then I'll use it for my future necessities because if in two years I'm not adopted, I need a plan."_

 _Suddenly, a slipper was thrown at her, but she dodged just in time. "Gotta go. I gotta board up the doors and windows before heading to school—don't want some punk breaking in and hurting someone when I ain't around. Please pick me!" With that, the screen faded to static._

 **::**

"What do you think?" Chris asked. "She's got an orphan sob story and she's a female delinquent. We get a ton of guys trying to be like Duncan to get girls but not many girls are like him."

"Maybe. I just don't want a punk like Duncan messing with my shit. I'll say yes for now."

Chris set her application in the bin. "Same." He stood up and stretched his arm. "Man, I am pooped. This isn't easy, but only we can do this."

"Yeah. I'm gonna go to the hot tub for some time." Chef stood up, taking his sandwich with him to another room.

Chris snapped his fingers. "All right, interns. You know the drill. Go to your rooms." Intern One and Two nodded and left as well. Chris looked around the room. Despite having gone through about eight or nine thousand applicants, they still had more victims to choose.

 **::**

 **Cast List (Part One):**

"Eli" Elias Jackson—The Suck-Up

"Halo" Halona-Evelyn Ivory—The Teen Mom

Willam Visage—The Drag Diva

"Dev" Devian Khan—The Catastrophic Adonis

Maeve Marks—The Soft-Spoken Caregiver

"Ronnie" Doron-Jonathon Green—The High Rastafarian

Saoirse Brennan—The Stuck-Up Rich Girl

Charolette Moreau—The Sheepish Hacker

Darren Vincent Blakely—The Broadway Baby

"Kori" Kouros Telamon Alessandro—The Living Doll

Jessica Mannex—The Rowdy Bitch

"Sara" Saraphina Laural Black—The Sweet Bad Girl


	3. Prologue: The Cast (Part 2)

1.3 million.

That's how many applications in total were sent to the network in five days.

 _Five fucking days._

Never had any previous season turned out like this, not even when Revenge of the Island and Pahkitew Island held auditions for new teens. The number of auditions from those seasons combined with the auditions for the first season was barely _half_ of 1.3 million. And those acceptance periods lasted for an entire month each.

How the hell was Total Drama Revival turning out to be a bigger success than any other season? Even after a five year gap?

Chris at first couldn't understand why. Surely these brats grew up knowing what he and Chef Hatchet did to Gwen, Heather, Duncan, and so many others who were now adults and scarred for life? Surely they would realize that once they signed up and were accepted, their lives would almost be guaranteed to never be the same—be normal? (Or at least as normal as their lives could be).

But, as Chris read Applicant #45632 on the fifth day of reviewing applications, with his mind already wandering around with how uninteresting the teen was, it suddenly hit him exactly why these teens were signing up for Total Drama Revival.

It _was_ because they grew up with Total Drama. Most of them barely started elementary school when Total Drama Island premiered. It made sense they wanted to be a part of what was most like a part of their childhood (where, admittedly, quite a large demographic was from ages 6-12). They grew up with the original contestants—and the original contestants were their idols. They wanted to grow up to be like Season One Courtney, or they crushed on Bad Boy Duncan, or they related to Cody, or whatever reason.

Sure, there were teens who just signed up for TDR for the money or some other arbitrary reason, but something else pushed them to specifically sign up for Total Drama. Otherwise why not sign up for some other reality show? Why Total Drama? Why was there such a large amount of teens? Chris knew why. It had to be because of nostalgia—because of the fond memories they remembered watching the show. Memories of excitement, of laughter, of love—memories that only Total Drama could offer. Memories they think they could achieve, as well as money or maybe a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

Chris smiled. It was going to be fun watching them realize that it's a completely different experience _watching_ the show versus _competing._

 **::**

With the turnout to be larger than expected, Chris and Chef Hatchet knew that if they kept the month deadline open, there was no way they were going to get through everyone in time, even if they hired more people to review applications. At 10:13 AM on the sixth day, he ordered the network to shut down from accepting more applications. Anybody's application that wasn't printed had to be deleted. Applications that were printed and were supposed to be shipped to Christopia in were shredded and burned. Any video they received was erased from existence.

From then on, Chris and Chef Hatchet would only consider the applications that were in Chris' mansion.

"Are you ready for the final stretch, Chef?" Chris asked his partner, sipping a mocha latte. They went through eighty-five percent of the applications in the room so far. This was going to be the last day they'll consider anyone because quite frankly, the teens were starting to blend in together after seeing the faces of more than eighty thousand kids. But now they were on high alert and ready to go, go, go.

"Let's just get this over with." Chef yawned. He reached over to the side of the table and grabbed the top application. Chris did the same, and they began to work.

After an hour with the garbage pile thrown out several times, Chris found a name that he wasn't sure if he read it correctly. "Aiden… Rose Hall."

"Huh? Is that a guy?"

Chris nodded. "Unless this Aiden's a bearded chick, he's a guy. And his middle name's Rose. He's seventeen and an actor."

Chef squinted his eyes. "Now who would go around and give their boy a flower for a middle name?"

"Parents who want him beaten up." Chris chuckled.

 **::**

 _The camera turned on upside down, with the camera closed up on the face of a bearded teenager. "Is this dang tarnation on?" mumbled the voice. Messing with some buttons, he held the camera out, readjusting the focus to be on his upper torso. In the background he appeared to be in a nicely decorated living room. The teenager wore a blue buttoned up shirt and jeans._

 _"_ _Howdy y'all!" He greeted, grinning. "The name's Aiden Rose Hall, and ah would be honored to be on yer show! I'm just a poor Southern fella from Mississippi who's in need of money to help out mah folks and seven sistas and brothas. Yer show never had a cowboy, so ah thought ah would join. Ah know I'm not handsome, and mah family don't think I'm too bright either, but ah promise that you've never had someone like me before!"_

 _Instead of ending the video, Aiden flipped the camera, walked a few steps, and set it on a stand. "There. Much better." He said, his voice dropping the accent. He stepped backwards again. "So what you just saw there was a character I created. The truth is, I'm a full-blooded Yankee, not a white trash hick." Aiden rolled his eyes. "You see, I want to be an actor. That's been my dream for, like, ever. I'll do whatever it takes to get to my dream. And your show would be a great stage to act on. On the show I'll pretend to be a simple-minded good guy that others would want to use. Nobody would expect a Southern gentleman to be bad. The money would be nice to win, but I just really want to use my acting skills to mess with people and show the world that I'm a force to be reckoned with, especially when I show people that I can take any curveball you throw at me." He winked at the camera before shutting it off._

 **::**

"This could be potential. We haven't seen someone who tried to use an entirely different lifestyle to fool with people." Chris observed, saying, "I bet he'll crack after three days. I vote yes."

"I say yes, too. But only because it'll be funny to see other kids get conned by his obviously fake accent and we get to see some more of his nice beard."

Chris drawled, "Wow, Chef. So superficial." He sipped his drink. "His beard is what you like? Not his obviously charming personality?"

"You're one to talk."

"I know. That's what makes me qualified."

With Chris tossing Aidan's application in the Chosen Bin, they moved on.

"Penny Winslow. Sixteen. The Cosplayer," said Chef.

Chris pretended to stick a finger in his mouth to vomit. "Eww, no way. She sounds like a nerd. I don't want nerds on my show. It was bad enough to put Cody, Harold, and Beth in. Nobody turns on TV to watch nerds."

Chef pointed out, "But people like watching the underdog. Cody and Harold were fan favorites."

"But we could get another Scarlett. She tried to kill everyone else! It's okay if we do it, but I don't want a psycho who'll try to do something to _us_ next." Chris grabbed another application. "Well, until you find me an exciting but harmless nerd, don't even talk to me about them."

As if some force in the universe was working in the favor of Chef, the next application he found had a nerd-like character that stood out to him. "Got one. Obediah Roscoe Louis. Seventeen. The Human Calculator."

"The _what_ now?" Chris asked, sounding as if he didn't want the answer. He must not have if he continued to talk. "You're messing with me."

"Nope."

"These kids are just getting weirder and weirder," murmured Chris, running a hand through his hair. At least it wasn't "The Braniac" or whatever Scarlett put down when she applied. "Okay, okay! I guess we can watch his video."

 **::**

 _Obediah was sitting in his kitchen and he waved politely. "Hello! I am Obediah and I would be honored if you had be on your television program." He smiles. "I know many things, such as the correct pronunciation of dinosaur names, the history of spandex gloves, and all the different kinds of cheeses!" He gushed. "I am quite skilled in running as well because the other kids my age used to chase me around with a club, when a golf club would be more logical in that situation." He shrugged. "Oh well. The damage was done either way." He waved with a smile. "Alright, I hope you consider me and accept me. Good bye."_

 **::**

"He talks weird," was the first think that Chris realized. "I don't like it. My ears feel violated. But oh well," he harrumphed "We do need to pander to the geek community somehow, I guess. I'll consider him possibly." Chris looked at Obediah some more. "He looks innocent, and we do need ugly people to make the hot people look hotter."

Chef shrugged, agreeing with Chris' assessment. As he set the application in the chosen bin, someone knocked on the door. "Intern Two! Get the door!" ordered Chef.

Intern Two scrambled to his feet and rushed to the front door. Outside was a fat construction worker. He barely took a step to walk in, only to have Chris stick his hand out.

"Stop!" commanded Chris. "You can stay there. I am not getting dirt or sand in my home."

The man nodded. He placed his foot back in its original place.

"Now what do you want?"

The worker said, "I'm here to update you on the progress of the island. The hot tub arrived, the volcano has been put in place, and the paths are halfway paved."

Chris said, "And the fire pit?"

"We started digging this morning."

In thought, Chris nodded, satisfied. "Good. All right plebeian, you may go." Chris then quickly added, "And don't forget the 'You-Know-What'."

The man nodded and left. Intern Two shut the door.

"What's the 'You-Know-What'?" Chef asked, his eyes narrowed. Chris usually told him of the shenanigans he got into.

Chris waved him off. "Don't worry about it. It's just a little bonus I came up with last night that should make things interesting. You'll see it when I reveal it to the winning team of the first challenge. Just focus on finishing these applications."

Hours passed, and none of the applicants they read in that time frame looked interesting. Deciding they was getting pretty sick of reading through the applications (which ranged from two to four pages, depending on how conceited the teen was in describing him or herself), they just stuck to the first page and would read through the application later. If the teen wrote better information on the later pages, well, they were out of luck.

Chris and Chef accumulated three teens each that they thought could be potentially entertaining.

"I'll go first," said Chris. He read, "The first is Abigail Delarosa Castillo. She's sixteen years old and a Prankster. Next is Leah Ramirez. She's eighteen and a Reporter. And finally, I have Xander White. Aged seventeen and a Gunslinger."

"Not bad," replied Chef. "But I don't like the sound of any of them. They all sound like troublemakers."

"Only one way to find out." Chris commented, searching for Abigail's audition video.

 **::**

 _The camera scene opens up to an indoor paintball field, which also happened to be glow and the dark. The camera panned to a fort that was nearby, a girl popping her head from behind it; none other than Abigail. She smiled brightly, the green neon light reflecting off her eyes and face, to which she had eye black paint under her eyes for no particular reason. She also has a helmet on her head._

 _"Hiya!" She exclaimed. "I'm Abigail, but you can call me Abby. What better way to audition for Total Drama than with dealing with one of the primary things used in pranks?" She lifted up a paintball gun that was glaring with pink and red neon colors. She squinted her eyes at it but still smiling brightly. "Paintball! Er, I meant paint, but still; with a gun it's more fun." She said mischievously, reloading it for a split second. "I can do many others as well: taping, explosions, blackmail with pictures; you name it, I can do it." She looked in front of her and then gasped, before smirking and standing up, showing that she was wearing a black tank top under a bullet proof vest with camo baggy pants. "Enemy alert, be right back." She jumped over the fort, and the camera panned to her shooting the person effortlessly with her paint ball gun; now revealing her wearing black combat boots._

 _She saw someone else and quickly did a backflip to dodge it, before crouching on her knee and shooting in that direction too. One paintball almost hit her, bit she slid to the side and transitioned to tumbling on the floor, finally shooting the person back with her gun on her stomach. The person behind the camera quickly ran up to her, and she got scared and caught off guard, shooting that person too, making them gasp._

 _"Ow! Abby!" A feminine voice yelled out._

 _Abigail quickly stood up and cringed. "Whoops. Thought you were someone else. Sorry Linda! I still love you though!" She grinned at her, and Linda laughed behind the camera, telling her that it was okay. "Welp, that's me Total Drama. Hopefully I'm that interesting." She reloaded her gun once more. "But I gotta jet. Laters!" She jumped out of the camera view, and Linda shut the camera off._

 **::**

"She's got skills, she's flashy, and she's cool. Now this is what I'm talking about!" exclaimed Chris. "This is someone viewers will love."

Chef face palmed. "Are you kidding me? She's definitely a troublemaker. I'm too old to deal with stupid pranks."

Chris shrugged. "Yeah, but she'll be busy with doing stuff to her fellow team members. They'll get annoyed and vote her off after, like, a week. We might as well milk out some laugher from her while we can."

"Whatever," groaned Chef, already imagining Abby putting itching powder in his hat.

Chris set Abby's application down and picked up another one. "Don't worry Chef; you might like the next person a little more. Her name's Leah Ramirez—"

"And a reporter—I know!" snapped Chef.

 **::**

 _The video started but rather than begin with someone, an animated title card popped up on the screen with the words "Roosevelt High Presents: the Daily Dolphins". The title card zoomed off camera, revealing two teenagers in uniforms sitting behind a desk. One was a tall Asian male, and the other was a much shorter Cuban girl. The male is the first to speak._

 _"_ _Welcome viewer for another update from the Daily Dolphins, bringing you the latest news in our school. But we're not going to be doing that today. Instead, this is going to be a special message for Chris McLean from my co-host Leah Ramirez."_

 _"_ _Thank you Dusty," said Leah, flashing him a smile. She turned to the camera. "I believe that I am a perfect candidate for your show. I am bold, I am determined, and I am beautiful."_

 _"_ _Emphasis on the beautiful!" interjected Dusty._

 _Leah continued, "Once I set my mind on something, nothing will stand in my way. In fact, I founded this show, and we're quite popular. We have a YouTube channel with nearly a thousand subscribers and our own fully functioning website! It's certainly not as noteworthy as your amazing show or your website, but hey, if I, a high school student, can do this, then there's nothing stopping me from becoming the next winner in Total Drama. And that's all I have to say." She leaned back into her chair._

 _"_ _Well, that's all we have to show," said Dusty. "Daily Dolphins signing off!" Both he and Leah exclaimed together as the screen went black._

 **::**

"Yes!" Chris exclaimed. "I agree with everything she said. She's got my vote."

"You're only saying that because she complimented you and the show." Chef growled.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Why did you think I agreed with her?" He said, as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. "Besides, she gets to the point. And she seems to been one of the more normal people we've seen lately."

"I thought you liked weird people."

"To an extent. If everyone's weird, then no one will want to watch. There needs to be a balance. C'mon Chef, think what's best for the viewers."

"And I suppose your next person is 'normal'?"

Chris, picking up the next application, scratched his head. It was about a dude named Xander White, a… gunslinger. "Uh… I think so?"

 **::**

 _The camera looked in the direction of a small, western town in the desert. The camera zoomed in on a young boy who looked kinda like a cowboy. He was wearing some old looking clothing and he seemed to have a belt carrying revolvers. He was standing in front of a few targets. The boy held his hands over his two weapon holsters and slowly counted down._

 _"One…Two…Three!" At almost amazing speed he pulled both revolvers out of the pockets and fired multiple rounds at targets. After the smoke cleared, the targets each had a bullet hole in the center. The boy chuckled and spins the revolvers around in his fingers. He looked at the cameraman. "C'mon, give me a challenge." The cameraman sighed and put a jar on a crate. The boy took the revolver and fired, but it missed the target._

 _The cameraman laughs mockingly. "You missed, Xander! Cough up the money!" Xander shakes his head. "Did I?" Before the cameraman could respond, he saw the bullet bounce off a rock, and ricochet into the direction of the jar, it shatters and Xander spins the barrels of his revolvers and puts them back in the holsters. "So… How about 51 out of 100?" The cameraman sighed and hands the cowboy money. "Thanks. Now… About Total Drama." he stared at the camera. "Chris, accept me..." he pulled out his revolver and points it at the camera. "…Or die." He fired and the camera drops to the ground, a bullet hole in the lenses. The camera then cut to static._

 **::**

Chris' mouth hung open as Chef snickered.

Chris took some time to recollect his thoughts. His face flushed. "Did he just threaten to kill me? And held a gun as he said that? AND SENT IT AS HIS AUDITION TAPE?"

Chef laughed harder.

"That little shit won't get away with this!" yelled Chris. "Nobody threatens Chris McLean! _Nobody_!" He slammed his hand on the table. The table, which was replaced after Chef's outburst with the knife, again cracked.

"I'm gonna say yes just because of that." Chef wheezed out, his stomach hurting from all the laughter.

"Of all the people we've got, he's definitely in! I'll show him for being so damn cocky!" Chris scooped up the three applications and dropped them in the bin. "What do you have?" Rubbing his temples, he sat back in his chair.

Chef breathed in deeply, alleviating the pain in in his side. "The first is a girl named Lucille Ryans. She's seventeen, and she's The Beauty." As Chef said this, he rolled his eyes. These kids were ridiculously spoiled.

 **::**

 _The camera turned on to reveal a young, female teenager sitting on a floaty in the middle of the pool. Lucille gently lets her arm float in the water, before sitting up and smiling at the camera._

 _"Hey, my name is Lucille. You start better learning it, because after this show, I'll be all over the show!" Lucille laughed, before staring at the camera. "I'm being serious. I demand to be in."_

 _Lucille giggled again. "Like, I got everything to win the show." Lucille held up a hand. "I have beauty, brains, talent, AND… Er… Sexiness…?" She put a finger on her chin. "Yeah…that works. So like, you'd be crazy to decline someone as hot as me!"_

 _Lucille smirked at the camera. "Your show would have more viewers if I was on. I meant have you SEEN me? No one can decline this!" She gestured to her body. "Then again...the show may destroy my looks...but whatever. If I get a modeling contract, that's all I care about."_

 _A blush appeared on her face. "Oh, and a special someone." She giggled nervously. "Like a hot guy or an amazing girl." She then dawned a look of horror. "But never EVER someone unattractive. Just…no."_

 _"Anyways," Lucille twirled around the pool. "Choose me! You won't regret it!" She winked at the camera, and tried to pose sexily for the camera. It didn't go as planned—the floaty flipped over and dunked her into the pool. She resurfaced a moment later, coughing and wheezing. "Ummmm…choose me!" She repeated, smiling nervously as the camera shuts off._

 **::**

Chef shook his head. "Why do these kids think they could find love on this show? Have they not seen previous couples?"

"C'mon Chef, they're dumb and young. Of course they think they'll find love. But she is right about being attractive, and she's got a vain appeal that's kinda hard to resist. I say yes."

Chef nodded. He put the application in the bin and continued. "The next two people I have are siblings."

Chris groaned. "Didn't we already have kids who were like that?"

"Yeah, but they were sisters. The kids I have are brother and sister."

Chris stroked his five o'clock shadow. "Brother and sister? Hmm. Maybe. Siblings competing are pretty popular right now. What are their names and their stereotypes?"

Chef read the male's application first. "One is named Joey Julian McKenzie, the Controlling Sports Enthusiast. He's sixteen."

"Controlling? Ooh, this should be good!" Chris rubbed his hands together, his lips curling upwards.

 **::**

 _"Yo! Okay, my turn!" A male teen picked the camera up from the tripod it previously sat on and tilted the camera towards him. "Wassup Producers; Joey Julian McKenzie here. Call me Joe, though." He waves, before winking. The setting is the same and he has on his swim trunks, "And I mean, if you can pick Jal for your show, than you can definitely pick me. I have the strength to win and the dazzling personali-"_

 _"What is that supposed to mean?" Jalissa was heard outside of the camera's sight._

 _"Relax, I was kidding." He mumbled to the camera. "But I also need to keep a watch on my little sister—"_

 _"By three minutes!" is heard by Jal._

 _Joe ignored her as he continued, "—because she's at that age where she becomes interested in boys and I am not allowing any of that nonsense on my watch."_

 _"I can hear you, you know!" she shouted._

 _"What are you going t-Ooof!" Jal tackled him and they both fall on the ground, the camera falling with them._

 _They continue wrestling before they notice the camera._

 _"Great!" They both shouted at each other. "Look what you just did!"_

 _"Let me finish my audition!" Joe ordered, pushing her away and picking the camera up, dusting it off of sand. "Anyway, pick me over my sister! Bye—!" Jal threw herself onto her brother, knocking them both on the ground as they begin to wrestle. The camera, once again, was knocked to the ground. This time, however, it is completely cracked and turned off._

 **::**

"We probably should've watched the girl's audition first to know the context," said Chris, and he shrugged. "Whatever. But I do like the 'overbearing brother' angle—and that ending was pretty awesome! Let's watch the sister's video and see what she was about."

Chris searched for the sister's name. He narrowed his eyes as the pointer spazzed out when trying to click on a video, but it decided to cooperate and allowed him to click on the audition.

 **::**

 _"Hi! I'm Jalissa Juliana McKenzie!" She walked onto the camera's vision of a beach and beautiful sunset wearing her bathing suit. Her hair was frizzy but still wavy. Jal carried a notebook in her hand and a pen on top of her ear. "Isn't it so nice out today? The sunset and the beach clashing gives me great inspiration to write. It's such a gorgeous sight."_

 _"Laaaame." Someone off-screen drawled out._

 _Jal rolled her light brown eyes before laughing and shaking her head," Anyway, I really would love to be picked for Total Drama! I never heard a reality show having a natural writer," she pointed to herself, "as myself on there. Plus, I'm totally funny. I mean, come on. Every show needs comic relief and a therapist in one person." She frowned. "Too bad it took sixteen years for such a magical being to have the limelight on herself." She then laughed aloud. "Okay, okay. To be honest, I just want to make friends and get people to laugh with me." She frowned again. "Unless they laugh at me. That's not cool. That would be so uncool of them like seriously, how rude."_

 _She continued to drone on for several minutes._

 _"Hey, shut up and end the video! I still need to do mine!" The same person off-screen ordered.  
"You shut up so I can finish mine!" Jal retorted, and then she smiled. "Sorry about all that. You should pick me though, honestly, especially over my brother! Bye now!" _

**::**

"Yeah, she's sixteen too, and her stereotype is the Creative Writer." Chef read from her application.

"Creative writer?" Chris mused. "Hmm. On one hand I haven't seen that been done before, so she's got a good point there. But on the other hand, who reads anymore? Losers? Why would you want to _write_?"

Chef shrugged.

"But she's got charm and humor! And with her brother on the show, well, we can have an exciting dilemma of not only them fighting but watching their relationship collapse beyond repair!" Chris laughed and clasped his hands together.

Chris and Chef approved the pair of siblings.

Chef Hatchet hissed as he put the siblings' applications in the Chosen Bin. A piece of paper grazed his skin.

"I can't believe we're almost done!" exclaimed Chris. They in total so far went through about ninety thousand applications. The room was almost purged from useless applications. The rest were stacked alongside the wall, hopeful to be read and accepted.

"Thank god. I got more paper cuts than scars from bullets," hissed Chef Hatchet, again putting on another pink-striped Band-Aid on his thumb. "I don't get paid enough for this." Each of his hands adorned eleven Band-Aids each. Chris sustained no injuries, but then again he had hands as small and delicate as a preteen's.

"Those cuts are a small price to pay. Once we select the final twenty-four and we get their notices out, we can start working on the challenges!" Chris lifted his pedicured feet and set them on the table. "Intern Two! Rub my feet—and get the lotion!"

Two minutes later, a bottle of lotion was set on the table as Intern Two rubbed Chris' feet, his expression reading "What am I doing with my life?"

Chef Hatchet sniffed once. "Is that… watermelon and citrus?"

Chris lifted the bottle and examined the label. "…Yes."

Two more minutes later, Intern One also began to rub Chef's feet, his expression reading "God, kill me now."

The men read through more applications. They got to the point where they simply threw dull applications over their shoulders. Chris found an application and read aloud, "Derilyn C. Flanagan, Jr. Prefers CJ. He's eighteen and a Rapper Savant."

"If he raps, he better be good at it," said Chef.

 **::**

 _The video started off with two guys walking down the street. One has brown skin and was dressed in a grey t-shirt and blues jeans with green sneakers and a red snapback hat. The other also has brown skin and was dressed in a black t-shirt that said "What Are Those", grey cargo short, and red sneakers with a green durag and purple and yellow bucket hat. The one in the grey t-shirt is slightly taller and little wider. The one in the black t-shirt is more muscular. They were having a conversation. A little can be heard._

 _"What are you going to do for this audition man?" asked the one in the grey t-shirt._

 _"I don't know, broski. These niggas probably won't accept me if I just did a regular audition," retorted the other._

 _"Well, how bout you drop some bars on deez niggas? Their asses will be hysterical after you finish a freestyle."_

 _"You right bout dat."_

 _"And I'm not talking about that regular shit you sometimes spit. I'm talking about that raw shit straight from the basement."_

 _"You think they asses gon be ready for this raw straight from the basement shit?" the one in the black t-shirt questions._

 _"They better be," The guy in the grey t-shirt concluded._

 _They then looked up at the camera. The guy in the grey t-shirt cleared his throat._

 _"Wassup, Total Drama? My name is Derrick and this is my friend, CJ. CJ, here, is going to apply for your show." The guy introduced as Derrick said, "He'll drop some fire on y'all with this freestyle. This ain't gonna be no regular freestyle. This is some raw straight from the basement type of shit that your asses probably never heard on the radio," he added._

 _"Yeah. I'm delivering that shit that y'all asses probably never heard on the radio." CJ continued, "The same radio that plays weak, bitch ass dumbasses that can't make a dope song without someone ghostwriting for them."_

 _"Imma drop this stupid ass fire on y'all. It'll make your skin crawl," CJ added, and he then cleared his throat._

 _"Please allow me introduce myself_

 _I came to kill niggas and supplement my wealth.  
Imma killa in the first degree.  
When I roll up on y'all bitches,  
Y'all better be running—_

 **::**

Before he could finish, the video started glitching. Colorful lines skewered the video, distorting the audio and the visuals.

"What the—?" Chris shooed Intern One and roughly tapped the side of the laptop. The video refused to work, and it was only when Chris exited the window did the screen return to normal.

"Why did it do that?" asked Chef, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know." Chris reopened the video and skipped about thirty seconds into it. CJ's rapping returned to normal, but Chris already lost interest and exited. "I guess the laptop is tired of these teens. But what do you think of this kid?"

Chef cracked his knuckles. "I like him. He might have an attitude problem, but he can rap from what I heard."

Chris nodded. "And he's definitely one of the more raw kids we've had. I like that." Chris set CJ's application the bin.

They moved on. A few minutes later, Chris found another applicant. "Velvet Lilith Bedford. She's seventeen and calls herself The Translucent Flower."

"Flower? _FLOWER_?"

 **::**

 _The video began, taking place in a history classroom._

 _"Hello Total Drama," a girl said. "I'm Velvet Bedford, a future contestant on your show. I believe this'll be my time to shine." She smiled._

 _"Your audition seems bland and short, Vel." A guy said. He chuckled as Velvet glared at him lightly. "You're not intimidating, so what are you? Besides, I just wanted to voice MY opinion. McLean will never choose you out of everybody in the whole planet. Who wants an undetermined competitor?" He shot a spitball at the camera and in between another guy's forehead._

 _Velvet said, "Dude, I am determined! Besides, who are you to tell me different?" She blushed in embarrassment._

 _The teacher said, "Shush! I am in the middle of Chapter 17.2. Children are trying to learn!" She noticed the camera. "What're you two doing?! No cameras in MY classroom!"_

 _Velvet looked up to notice the class staring at her and Terrence, her friend. "This is so embarrassing. I've never had so many people stare at me at once. Eep!" She tried to hide herself behind a history book._

 _The teacher tried to snatch the camera, but Velvet snatched it back. "Please! Don't take my camera!" She cried desperately._

 _"Goody Two Shoes sticking up to a teacher, eh?" Terrance said and smirked._

 _"Shut up!" "Be quiet, Terrence!" Velvet and the teacher said at the same time. Velvet then dropped the camera, and as the camera goes static a voice said "Oh No!"_

 **::**

"Passable," said Chris. "She's ambitious and clearly a loser. I bet she's not so nice underneath judging by what she said at the end. Outbursts from quiet people are pretty funny."

Chef nodded. He wasn't paying attention to Chris. Chef was engrossed in another application, resisting from snickering at what he was going to unleash on Chris.

As Chris set the application in the bin, Chef said, "I have Faith Escot. Eighteen and a… Rocker."

"A Rocker? All right. That might be something to watch."

 **::**

 _The camera comes on to a young girl with curly, brown hair. She smiled adorably at the camera before speaking with a British accent._

 _"Hi, Chris and Chef. I'm Milayla. My big sister is a huge fan of your show and she would love to audition. She asked me to bring the camera into the recording studio."_

"Stop!" Chris paused the video. "I told you Chef, I don't want any British people. They have bad teeth and their accent sounds stupid."

Chef looked at the video. "Her teeth look fine to me."

Chris shook his head. "I don't care. There was a reason they lost the American Revolution, and it's because they SUCK." He tried to exit the video, but it instead played no matter what button Chris pressed.

 _She entered through a door and into the studio. A girl with a purple pixie cut sat behind the glass on a stool as she sang and played guitar. Her face was tattooed and pierced, but what stood out are her red eyes._

 _Nothing can be heard for a few minutes until someone said, "Okay, Faith that was great! Go ahead and take five. Your sister is here."_

 _The girl nodded and exited from the recording area. She smiled at her sister and the camera._

 _"Hi, Chef! Hi, Chris!" She greeted warmly in her British accent. "My name is Faith Escot. I'm an upcoming artist. I have several songs and music videos out on Youtube."_

Chris gave up and settled with listening to her, noticeably glaring at the laptop.

 _She ran her hand through her hair, briefly showing a small orange tattoo on her wrist._

 _"I'm wanting on Total Drama Revival because my name needs to be out there in the world. I need more fans and you need ratings. We can help one another out. Total Drama has never had an openly gay contestant before. My sexuality might bring some controversy to the show. Not to mention, I'm British! Everyone loves listening to a British accent. So what do you say? You scratch my back, I scratch yours!"_

 **::**

Chris finally managed to exit out of the video. He gritted his teeth. "I. Hate. The. British. I'll bet a thousand bucks her dumb British video brought a virus to the laptop or something."

"There _is_ an audience who like British accents," said Chef. "And she could bring controversy like you want. We do need to 'give the audience what it wants' and pander to groups, right?" Chef said, crossing his arms with a smug expression.

"Why am I being tested today?" Chris whined, placing his face in his hands. "I need a drink."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

Chris glared at Chef from between his fingers. He mumbled something.

Chef held a hand to his ear. "What was that?"

"You're an ass. And I am _done._ " He pushed the rest of the applications off the table. They scattered all over the ground. He stared at the papers. "I am going to take a bath and then—" Chris stopped, looking at a specific application on the ground. While there were many pictures that teens submitted, looking optimistic up at him, one male's face caught his eye.

Chris picked up the application. He smiled.

The teen looked, well, _exquisite_.

"Phoenix Cherokee Anderson. Seventeen and a New-Age Enthusiast."

"What does that even mean?" asked Chef, looking rather concerned that Chris could switch emotions at the drop of a hat.

"Well, if he looks like this, I don't care."

 **::**

 _The camera opened to reveal a waterfall, a young male sitting at its base. He meditated as the misted water cascaded over his bare shoulders. Suddenly, he became alert, and looked over to see a buck caught by his antlers in the nearby thicket. He bounded over expertly and freed the creature, laughing as it licked his face._

 **::**

The video froze.

"What the fuck?! _Again_?!" Chris yelled, having been invested in the video. He set Phoenix's application in the bin and growled, "I swear you piece of shit if you—"

Colored lines again tore through the screen. The lights flashed before the screen went black, and the Blue Screen of Death replaced it.

Chris forced a smile. Standing up, he picked up the laptop, walked towards the terrace, and chucked it out over the railing. " _I AM DONE_!" he screamed. Not bothering to watch it, he stomped back into the mansion.

"You!" He pointed at the intern who rubbed his feet. "I want every single application that's not in the Chosen Bin to be burned! And then make me a bubble bath—no, wait, do that in the reverse order!"

The intern quickly ran to the bathroom.

Chris took a deep breath in. "Well, Chef, it looks like we're going to have to review the applications w _ithout_ the audition tapes. We have to remember them by memory. Those were the only copies we had."

Chef sighed. He needed a god damn aspirin.

 **::**

 **Cast List (Part Two):**

Aidan Rose Hall—The Actor

Obediah Roscoe Louis—The Human Calculator

"Abby" Abigail Delarosa Castillo—The Incurable Prankster

Leah Ramirez—The Reporter

Xander White—The Gunslinger

Lucille Ryans—The Beauty

"Joe" Joey Julian McKenzie—The Controlling Sports Enthusiast

"Jal" Jalissa Juliana McKenzie—The Creative Writer

"CJ" Derilyn C. Flanagan, Jr.—The Rapper Savant

Velvet Lilith Bedford—The Transparent Flower

Faith Escot—The British Rocker

Phoenix Cherokee Anderson—The New-Age Enthusiast

 **::**

Looks like Chef and Chris are losing their minds, and the season hasn't even began!

Whew, as of right now it is almost midnight. I spent about five hours after getting home writing this up. I really wanted to get this chapter out sooner than later.

Let's get some things out of the way.

1\. Right now I am a high school student taking a community college course. For the next week I will be unable to write anything relating to TDR since I have two 7-page essays and a 10-page research paper due in a week, so I'll be busy with all that (and will need a few days to recover from the trauma).

2\. Afterwards, I pretty much have nothing else to do. I should hopefully get out a few chapters before school starts up again (I will be entering my last year of high school). Updates will get slow by around September, but reviews and PMs always help me to work harder!

3\. I do have other side projects that I am working on, so I might take some time off to focus on those.

4\. Please try to remember to review! With this type of story I do value what you guys think. What did you like? What did you not like? What predictions do you have for how well the characters will do? Who would your OCs be friends or enemies with? Who's gonna hook up with who? If you don't feel comfortable talking about these things in reviews, then just shoot me a PM. Those are always fun to respond to.

And I think that covers it. Thank you guys for helping this project become a reality. Right now I need some sleep because class is tomorrow and I haven't even started on my rough draft essay due tomorrow. The next chapter will be the first official episode, so stay tuned and see these characters in action.


	4. Meet the Morons (Part 1)

Here's the first part of the first episode! For the last few days my health took a turn for the worse, but I powered through to finish the chapter (I must have contacted something from the movie theater I went to last Sunday in celebration of finishing my English class with a B!). So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy this! I'll be sure to respond to all reviews this time.

 **Disclaimer** : The only characters I own are Aiden and Leah. Other characters belong to their original creators.

 **::**

Chris McLean stood on the dock that was shown in the promo. He looked the same with his wavy, dark hair, his five o'clock shadow, his blue cargo shirt with white sleeves underneath, and his brown slacks. He even wore his shell necklace. "Yo, what's up viewers!" Chris greeted. "It's been long overdue since you've last seen me, the Host with the Most, Chris McLean, huh? Well, I'm glad to announce that I and your favorite show, Total Drama, are back for another season!

"For those who are new, Total Drama is a reality show where twenty-four teens come to compete for a grand prize of one million dollars! For eight weeks they have to survive grueling challenges, horrendous food, and even worse—each other—on a remote island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Every three days teams will battle each other in challenges where only one team can win. While the winning team enjoys luxuries that only money can buy, the losing team must vote off a team member they deem as a failure. One by one teens will see their hopes and dreams shatter as they are voted off until the two final teens compete to see who remains supreme.

"So who're our 'lucky' teens chosen to compete this year? How will they fare on the first day? Will any of them play nice? Probably not, but there's only one way to find out—stay tuned for the exciting installment of Total Drama Revival!"

 **::**

The beginning sequence played. Several cameras popped out from the sky, the ground, a tree, and a coconut, knocking a macaw from its perch. A pair of hands snapped a black and white clapperboard, and the camera began to move.

 _Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine_

The camera moved past the dock and Chris sun tanning on the beach. It rushed through a jungle and zoomed up to the edge of an active volcano.

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera then dove off from the edge and into the ocean. Underwater, Dev swam calmly until Joe bumped into him.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

Joe didn't stop swimming. He passed Dev, his mouth gurgling as he tried to scream. Dev stopped to glare at Joe until his eyes widened as a thick, long tentacle wrapped around his body.

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see_

Above water, Ronnie's sitting on a patchy tube as he floated on the water. He's shot up in the air by the tentacle as it lifted and flung Dev into the sky and toward the island's jungle.

 _I wanna be famous!_

In the jungle, Aiden, reciting lines, stood on a rock. Dev's body smashed into a tree near him. Seeing Dev, Aiden laughed. The camera showed Maeve next to Aiden, appearing unsure. Aiden then tried to pull out a flower from his pocket, not seeing Maeve look behind him and run. Quirking an eyebrow, he turned around and a panther roared in his face.

 _I wanna live close to the sun_

In another part of the jungle, Sara climbed down from a tree. She tried to move a hand from a spot, but it wouldn't move. Near her, Abigail giggled as she held a bottle of superglue. Sara glared at her and somehow ripped the branch from its place to chase Abigail.

 _Or pack your bags 'cause I've already won_

As Abigail ran away from Sara, two dune buggies zoomed past them. CJ and Jessica raced against each other, and with neither paying attention to where they were going, they drove over a steep cliff.

 _Everything to prove, nothing in my way_

CJ and Jessica flailed their arms as they fell. They and the dune buggies landed in a body of water a few feet away from Chef Hatchet, splashing him with water.

 _I'll get there one day_

Unfazed at getting wet, Chef Hatchet stood behind a food cart. As Eli tried complimenting Chef's food as he stood next to the cook, Chef scooped brown sludge onto a hot dog bun and gave it to Saoirse, who scoffed and threw it back at Chef. He and Eli ducked as it flew over their heads.

 _'_ _Cause I wanna be famous!_

Sitting at a table were Obie, Halo, Leah, and Charolette. Obie read a comic book, Halo showed various pictures to Leah, and Charolette typed on her laptop, glancing meanly at them. Chef Hatchet's food landed in the middle of the table, coating all of them and their possessions in the brown substance.

 _Nanananananananananananananana!_

On a stage set on the beach, Faith played an electric guitar, not paying attention to her surroundings. Willam strutted on stage, and when she saw Faith, she pushed her off the stage, smiling as Faith landed in the sand and giving Willam the entire stage.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be_

As Faith tried to stand back up, Lucille and Phoenix walked past her. Lucille had her arm wrapped around Phoenix's arm. She was laughing over something as Phoenix looked ahead, appearing uninterested.

 _I wanna be famous!_

A volleyball bounced off Lucille's head from behind. She twisted and glowered at Velvet, who held her hands up in defense. Phoenix quickly left Lucille's side.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be_

Kori practiced a pose on the dock. As Phoenix sauntered towards him, the dock collapsed underneath him, leaving Kori to set his foot down and stare at a human-shaped hole.

 _I wanna be famous!_

Around a fire pit, Jal and Darren smiled at each other and leaned close together, with Jal holding onto a notebook. But they pulled apart as Xander's gun was aimed at something between them. Xander then put his gun away and sat down on the ground. The camera panned back, showing everybody else at the fire pit.

 **::**

"Welcome back, viewers!" Chris Mclean said, grinning. "Right now we will be meeting the first twelve newbies. They'll be arriving in submarines, and they've had a long ride—and no food—so don't be surprised if they're a little crabby." He chuckled. "Let's meet the morons! It looks like our first moron is here."

A dark blue submarine with Chris' face etched on the side emerged from the water. With the device slowing down next to the dock, a latch at the top opened.

"Ugh! Finally!" A feminine voice exclaimed before the owner's head popped out. The tanned girl had (obviously dyed) blonde, wavy hair that fell below her shoulders. Her eyesight overcome with the bright sun, she squinted her blue-green, walnut-shaped eyes, saying, "Hi, everyone!" As her vision adjusted to the light, she realized moments later that 'everyone' was just Chris. "Uh, where are the hot people?"

"Only you and me so far," answered Chris. "Welcome to Christopia, Lucille! You're our first contestant. You can leave the sub, now."

Her bottom lip pouting, she lifted herself out of the submarine, showing her outfit of an aqua and spaghetti-strapped top and maroon pants. Standing up on her white high heels, Lucille balanced herself and took a giant step to land on the dock. "I was in that thing for three hours and there's nobody here?" she huffed, crossing her arms.

"You do realize that more people are coming, right?"

"Of course I do! But every model needs people present to make memorable entrance. I can't do that when I'm the first one here," sulked Lucille. "Well, at least I have you, lovelies!" She waved and winked at the camera, not smiling as much as she would have if other people were present before her.

"Well, go model on the other side of the dock. You're taking up space for the next contestant," commanded Chris, even though there was clearly enough room.

Lucille scowled and trudged across the dock.

The second submarine's latch opened after it arrived, and this time a male emerged. "That ride was quite riveting!" the guy piped up. His head popped up, and the first noticeable trait about him besides his long, skinny neck were his thick, black square glasses that covered his hazel-green eyes. His short, light brown hair laid flat against his head, and his pale skin with light brown freckles seemed to shine in the sunlight. "Will we be commuting in these again?"

"Perhaps," drawled Chris. "Audience, I would like to welcome you Obediah Louis!"

"S-salutations!" Obediah called out, as he struggled to climb out. His legs swung frantically inside as his stick-like arms tried to lift his body from the submarine.

Chris quirked an eyebrow. More so to follow the time schedule rather than sympathy, he asked, "Do you need help, dude?"

"No thank you! I can do this…" Obediah's skin started to turn red the more he tried to move.

Chris rolled his eyes as he leaned towards the submarine, holding out a hand. It was then when Obediah grabbed onto Chris' hand, and the TV host helped the teen out of the submarine.

Obediah wore a tucked in, light blue, loose fitting shirt that could've fit a hippo, dark blue jeans with a bright yellow belt holding his pants in place, and black converses. He sheepishly smiled. "It's an easier process to enter the submarine as opposed to getting out."

"Whatever, dude. Go over there." Chris jabbed his thumb to the other side of the dock.

Obediah nodded, and he walked towards Lucille, towering over her by a few inches. "Greetings, miss! What is your name? I am Obediah." He held out a hand.

Lucille stared at Obediah. She upturned her nose and looked away. Obediah frowned, but he quickly smiled as another contestant arrived on Christopia.

When compared to Obediah and Lucille, she easily slid out of the submarine due to her slim muscles, and she hopped onto the dock. Her thin, straight, shoulder-length ash blonde swayed slightly when she moved, and one of her ears had a faded out stud. She wore a dark purple tank top, blue denim shorts over black leggings, and work out shoes that matched her shirt. Glossing over the other contestants, she looked at Chris with her bright blue, almond-shaped eyes, and set a hand on her hip. "This is the competition, Chris? Gotta say, I'm underwhelmed. I expected a little more."

Chris replied, "Well, Jessica, we've got twenty-one more people coming in. You might wanna take that back until you see them all. Some of them may give you a run for your money—literally."

She shrugged. "I'll take my chances." Without being asked to, Jessica walked towards Obediah and Lucille. The guy grinned—much too eager, in Jessica's opinion—and the girl looked up and down at her for three seconds before looking away. Jessica narrowed her eyes, but she did not pay attention too long because Obediah intervened.

"Hello, I am Obediah!" The guy greeted, again holding out a hand.

Jessica hesitated for a few moments before shaking it. "Jessica," she told him. When she let go, she said, "Word of advice, don't smile so wide. You look creepy."

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry for being so forward." Obediah said. "I am just absolutely ecstatic that I'm here, and I can't wait to meet new people and acquire acquaintances!"

"… Right."

"The next contestant is The Cowboy, Aiden!" announced Chris.

"Woo-ie, it sure was stuffy down there!" a Southern drawl said. Two hands gripped the sides of the submarine's latch, and a male pulled himself out. He had thick, dark hair atop his head, with the sides shaved off to form a buzz cut. His round, light brown eyes crinkled in the corners with his wide grin. "My goodness, ah never seen anythang so pretty as the ocean! Well, maybe those ladies over there!" Aiden winked towards Lucille and Jessica. One of them scoffed as the other half-smiled.

Chris said, "Welcome, Aiden! How was your trip from Mississippi?"

"It was ahmazing!" Aiden strolled towards Chris. Aiden wore a maroon and black flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, light gray slacks with a black belt, and dark gray sneakers. "Ah am so honored you chose me! The island is pretty, and you look awesome—"

"Thank you."

"—For being forty years old."

Chris' jaw dropped. "I am _not_ forty!"

Aiden's brows furrowed. "Forty-two?"

"Go away!" Chris shooed Aiden away. Once he joined the group of two girls and a guy, he greeted, "Howdy! Mah name's Aiden. How 'bout yah three?"

"I am Obediah," Obediah replied. He held his hand out to shake, and Aiden took it, moving it so hard and eager that Obediah's glasses shook.

Once he let go, Aiden said, "It's nice to meet yah, good sir!" He turned to Jessica. "And yah, miss?"

"Jessica," she informed him. As Aiden was about to ask Lucille her name, Jessica said, "Don't bother with her. She's throwing a bitchy fit."

Aiden, frowning, shrugged and stood between Jessica and Obediah. He listened to Obediah as he blabbered about the type of submarine they rode in.

"Chris, where are the hot people?" demanded Lucille. "I am among sixes and below. This is unacceptable for a reality show." **(1)**

Chris ignored her, choosing instead to say, "Our fifth newbie is Charlotte!"

A voice from the submarine echoed, "That's no-not… my name!" With the same voice huffing, it took at least twenty seconds for the girl to grab the submarine and somehow support herself with her arms. She had disheveled, straight, dark brown hair that fell past her shoulders and, with a pair of glasses, almond-shaped dark blue eyes, with slightly dark bags underneath that made her appear tired. "I… am Charolette," she corrected, her voice hitching.

"Well, _Charolette_ , you're hogging up screen time! Get out of the sub!"

Biting her lip, she tried to pull herself up, but she too struggled to move. Her breath shortened.

Seeing her struggle, Aiden rushed towards the submarine, asking, "Do you need help, Miss Charolette?" He held out a hand, smiling kindly.

Charolette looked only at his hand, her pale cheeks turning rosy red as she took his hand. Aiden, though by no means muscular, underestimated her weight and height and lifted her up with too much strength, and she nearly tripped getting onto the dock. Charolette's oversized black hoodie covered body, but a red skirt with black thigh high socks and black canvas shoes partially showed her skin-and-bones body structure.

Aiden set her down, and she pulled her hand away quickly from him, moving her hair to the right side of her neck and hugging her body. Charolette didn't look at him as she pushed passed him. Aiden watched and followed her, about to ask her something when Obediah cut him off before Aiden could say anything.

"Like I was saying, the submarine is fascinating and so is its history. William Bourne was the first man to publish the concept of a ship going under the water…"

The third male who arrived moved gracefully out of the hole. Of all the other contestants, he appeared to be the most exotic in his appearance with his copper skin and loosely-layered, lignitic hair that fell to his shoulders. Even with only half of his body exposed, it was clear he was the tallest so far, and his muscles wrapped tightly around his thin, fluid physique. He wore an emerald-green vest with a moss-green sash. He wore white pants underneath the open vest, exposing his chest and stomach.

After he stood on the submarine, he leaped from the top, landing quietly on the dock. With his large, chromium-green, glassy eyes, looked at the five other contestants, dipping his head shyly and causing two piercings in his right eye to glimmer in the sun.

"Contestant number six is…" Chris squinted at a piece of paper he pulled from a pocket. "Kouros."

Looking at the host, the male grimaced at Chris' mention of his name.

Chris looked back up and crumpled the paper, tossing it over his shoulder. "But you wrote to the producers requesting to be called Kori, correct?" he asked the latest contestant.

Kori nodded, smiling.

"All right—that'll be so much easier to remember. So Kori, that was a cool entrance, and I'm gonna score you a nine. Now go on and make some new friends—or enemies. Either one's fine."

Kori looked at the group. Lucille was looking at herself in a mirror, adjusting her hair, Obediah and Aiden were talking (well, mostly the former) about the history of submarine warfare, and Charolette stood in the back, watching the ocean water. Only Jessica was paying attention to him.

"What's with all the green?" Jessica asked, referring to his vest and sash as he neared the group. "Is it Saint Patrick's Day?"

Now acquainted with the holiday, Kori shrugged. He found a spot to stand in the back of the group, towering the others but feeling secured.

Chris said, "And the next person we have is… ugh… Faith."

By the time he introduced said girl, she was already out of the submarine. "Hello, everyone!" Faith chirped in a British accent, causing the set of snake bites on her bottom lip to move. Whether it was her accent or her appearance, most of the other contestants looked at Faith.

Contrasting against the previous contestant, Kori, Faith has rosy-pale skin. She had bright, purple pixie-cut hair, with the back short and the front styled into an A-line that swooped over her left eye. Under her right, red, and almond-shaped eye were three black dots. She also had light purple lipstick, smoky eyeshadow, black mascara, and black eyeliner. For clothing, Faith wore a strapless, black dress with red, spider-webbed mesh. The rest of her black outfit consisted of an opened leather jacket, ripped tights, knee-high boots, and a lace choker around her neck.

"This is so—" Faith began.

"Blah, blah, blah. Cool, I know. Now go and don't die of a heat stroke," dismissed Chris, waving his hand to tell her to move.

Faith frowned, and as she joined the group, chose to stand at a farthest end of the dock. She stood next to Obediah. Aiden and Obediah welcomed Faith (although Obediah appeared somewhat nervous). But, after taking a deep breath, she returned their greetings, not as enthusiastic as getting off the boat but enough to make Obediah smile and act himself.

"Your clothing is impeccable!" exclaimed Obediah, as he examined her jacket. "You remind me of the Midnight Mamba. She's a superhero who wears leather as a part of her outfit, and she has snake bites, too. She's so cool and pretty and badass." **(2)**

Faith cocked her head. Her eyebrows shot up. "Are you chatting up me?" **(3)**

It was Obediah's turn to turn his head. "Chatting up? Well, I suppose I am."

"Sorry, but I don't fancy boys," she said.

"Pardon me?"

The next submarine arrived. Once it emerged from the water, the teen wasted no time opening the chute. "That was the most exciting and terrifying experience of my life!" he called out, grinning and taking off aviator sunglasses with a slim gold frame. His appearance definitely caught everyone's attention—mouths dropped, eyes widened, and someone even gasped. Even the contestants who didn't necessarily feel attracted _to_ him realized he was, to put it bluntly, hot.

The teen had silky back hair kept in a high bun, chocolate-tinted skin, and deep brown, feline-like shaped eyes with the corners turned up. For facial hair, he had slightly bushy eyebrows, long sideburns, a small mustache, and a soul patch. With somewhat broad shoulders and a slim, muscular build, he pulled himself out of the submarine. He wore an opened, long-sleeved, silk, off-white shirt and gold lining on the wrists, collar, and edge, with a noticeable white tank top underneath. He also wore black skinny jeans and mahogany timberland boots.

"Who's that?" asked Lucille, her tone changing to that of awe.

"Dev Khan," answered Chris. "He's from India."

"Patna, India." Dev corrected in his thick accent. He climbed off the submarine. "But it can't compare to here. This is—what's the word?—so cool!" Dev exclaimed. "What was the thing I was just in?"

"It's called a submarine," Chris told him, stating what was obvious to everyone else.

"'Submarine'? Wow. Such a strange name. How does it go underwater?"

Chris remarked, "How should I know?"

Obediah lit up. He stepped from the group, approaching Dev. "That is an easy concept to—" was all he said before Lucille, who had also began to walk, shoved him to the side. Obediah's lack of mass and Lucille's strength caused him to easily fling off the dock and land in the water.

Dev's eyes glazed towards Obediah as Kori and Aiden helped him out of the water. Jessica and Charolette looked incredulously at Lucille. Faith snapped, "Why the bloody hell would you do that?"

Lucille rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I did us all a favor. He wouldn't shut up." She strolled towards Dev and grabbed onto one of his arms. "Hello, there!" she purred. "Come stand with me. We can get to know each other. I'm Lucille. But you can call me Lucy."

Dev looked at her warily, unsure of how to react. "Uh…Okay?" Dev said after a while. He walked forward, with Lucille attached to him like they were combined together.

"I hope to god I don't end up on her team," growled Faith, as Aiden slapped Obediah's back as the taller teen, doubled over, coughed up water.

"Agreed," said Jessica.

"That sure was… a funny joke! Aren't I right, guys?" Obediah wheezed, smiling while adjusting his glasses. Aiden and Kori gave each other a look.

"Uh… yah, I guess." Aiden said. Kori nodded slowly.

The next submarine arrive moments later. "Contestant number eight is Jalissa, the Creative Writer!" announced Chris. However, the latch did not open. Ten seconds passed. " _Jalissa, the Creative Writer!_ " he repeated through gritted teeth after ten more seconds. Again, nothing happened. "I can't believe this!" Chris stomped over to the submarine, twisted the outside of the latch, and yelled, "Hey!" The girl inside shrieked. Chris continued, "What are you doing? Get your butt in gear and get out! You're hogging up screen time!"

As Chris pulled away, a girl emerged from inside. "I'm so sorry!" She said. She had almond-shaped and slightly slanted light brown eyes and messy, wavy dark brown hair with a lighter brown ombré. Her skin was caramel-brown and both her of ears were pierced twice. She wore a blue-green t-shit tucked into high-waist denim shorts. The teen quickly climbed off the submarine, showing she also wore white ankle socks and black vans.

"I felt inspired when I saw all the life underwater. I guess I got a little carried away by taking my time," she laughed nervously, putting a hand-sized notebook and a pencil into a front pocket. Her cheeks turned a light shade of red. "I didn't mean to come off so _shellfish_ ," she joked. **(4)**

Chris deadpanned. "That was the worst pun I have ever heard. Like, seriously! Also, never take time like that again, Jalissa. We run on a timed schedule," griped Chris.

She said quickly, "Yes, sir! And, if you don't mind, I prefer to be called Jal."

"I prefer to have not wasted screen time on you, but we can't always get what we want!" huffed Chris. "Oh wait, _I_ can!" Chris shoved Jal to the side.

The shove wasn't hard, so Jal easily stood her ground. Jal blushed deeper, though, and she avoided the gaze of the other contestants, preferring to look at the ground. But after a good minute, she decided to try to strike a conversation.

"Hi, I'm Jal," she told Charolette. "What's your name?"

Charolette, who hadn't paid mind to her, jumped. "G-gah!" she yelped, glaring at Jal for a brief moment before turning away. Jal didn't see, but the camera showed Charolette's face also turned red. "What… what do y-you want?" she murmured.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" asked Jal.

"I s-said… 'What d-do you _want'_?" Charolette repeated. However, she said it in a sharp tone.

Jal flinched. "I just wanted to know your name."

But before Charolette could react, the next contestant arrived, with a voice that commanded the attention of everyone.

"Halleloo! The queen has arrived!" Willam said. "Be prepared to bow down, bitches." Willam had almond-shaped chocolate brown eyes, curly golden-blonde hair that went to her shoulders, and fair skin. She was skinny but had a toned chest. Hugging her figure was a short, tight, white spaghetti-strapped dress with tiny cherries printed on it and matching red heels that clicked as she walked across the dock.

"This is Willam, our resident Drag Diva," said Chris.

"Drag Diva? What is she dragging?" Dev asked Lucille.

Chris continued, "So, Willam, do you go by him or her?"

"When I'm dressed up, like now, I go by 'she'. Without it, I'm a 'he'."

Dev asked another question that everyone could hear. "Wait, you're a male?"

Willam narrowed her eyes. "Biologically, yes. So what?"

"So why are you wearing a dress? You're a guy, and you don't even look like a girl!"

"Excuse me? _Oh hell no_ ," Willam growled. As she stomped her way towards Dev, she hissed, "Listen up, Mutton Chops! If you insult me like that again, I will shove my foot so far up your ass my heel will get lodged in your trachea!" She stood less than three feet away from Dev.

"I don't think that is physically possible," remarked Dev. "Like you being a woman."

Willam snarled, "That's it!"

As Willam was about to lunge at Dev, Lucille stood in between them and said, "Wait! Don't hurt him. He's from Indiana—"

"India!"

"Yeah, India! He just doesn't understand this type of lifestyle. Give him some time. He'll learn!"

Willam continued to shift her glare between Dev and Lucille. "Fine, but only because I'm feeling generous today—and I'm in heels. But another insult from him and I won't be afraid to kick his ass."

As Willam stamped off to stand at the other side of the dock, Dev said, "Seriously, what is he dragging?"

Chris announced, "All right, the last female contestant to arrive right now is Leah!"

When Chris announced said teen, she was already off the submarine. Leah had long, straight dark brown hair that went above her butt, bangs over her forehead, and a white headband. Her somewhat dark olive skin contrasted against her mid-thigh, pale yellow sundress with pink and red flowers and red sandals. Leah's dark brown, almond-shaped eyes with black eyeliner underneath looked at everyone.

"What did I miss so far?" she asked.

"You just missed out on all the fun. There was about to be a cat fight," said Chris

"Something tells me there will be plenty of those later on," she drawled. Leah then walked towards the group, stopping for a few moments. Her red lips smirked. "Wow, my gaydar is going off the charts. You probably should change the title of the show to Total Rainbow Island, Chris." Leah commented. **(5)**

Chris sarcastically replied, "I'll take that into consideration."

"If none of you mind me asking," said Leah, "but who here is flying the rainbow pride flag, so-to-speak?"

"This bitch right here!" Willam's hand sot up in the air and waved.

Faith nodded, smiling. "Same here."

Charolette's eyes shifted between them before they shot back down.

"Wait a second. None of them have a 'flag', though," pointed out Dev.

Aiden looked at Dev. "Yah've got alotta thangs to learn 'bout the real world, partner," he said before saying to Leah. "I'm with them, too." Aiden said to Leah, hi-fiving Faith. "But ah am the type dat goes both ways, if yah know what I mean." He winked at the camera.

"Interesting," said Leah. "We finally have some proper representation."

Chris rolled his eyes, choosing instead to say, "And the final contestant we have now is Joe!"

The last submarine latch opened, and the teen named Joe yelled "Yeah! Woohoo!" as he scrambled out of the enclosed space. Joe had slightly slanted, almond-shaped, dark brown eyes, buzz cut hair that matched the color of his eyes, and caramel-brown skin. Both of his ears were pierced, and he wore a white tank top, which showed off muscles, brown knee-length shorts, and black converses. "Hey, Chris!" He held his hand up as he walked towards Chris.

"'Sup, Joe?" Chris said, hi-fiving the teen. "Are you excited?"

"Hell yeah I am. Thank you for picking me, man. I can't wait to show off my skills while warding off guys from my sister."

"You did not just say that, Joe," groaned Jal.

Joe turned towards the group, smirking at Jal. "Hey there, sis. Looks like you beat me by arriving here first. That's the only time you've ever beaten me in something, might I add."

"Way to be an ass," remarked Leah.

"Don't mind him," said Jal. "He _is_ first in everything. That's why he'll be the first to go home."

Collective 'oohs' were chorused in the group as Joe's face reddened.

"Looks like Joe will need to take a dip in the water like Obediah did to cool that burn!" laughed Chris. "And now that we've seen the first twelve contestants, who are the next twelve idiots who decided to try out on the show? Stay tuned after the commercials to find out!" said Chris as the camera faded to black.

 **::**

 **References:**

 **(1) Lucille's talking about their appearances. The average numbers for the attractiveness scale is 7.2 for guys and 7 for girls, which I'm quite happy with. There's variety in looks.**

 **(2) Midnight Mamba is a fake name. I based her off of a mix between Cat Woman and Black Widow.**

 **(3) I don't know if "chatting up" is the correct British term to use, but I know "chat up" means to flirt.**

 **(4) Shellfish is meant to be a pun for selfish. Please note I suck at humor, so expect the jokes to be cringe worthy.**

 **(5) Quite a few characters are on the LGBT spectrum, so expect a few same-sex pairings to occur.**


	5. Meet the Morons (Part 2)

"Welcome back to Total Drama Revival!" Chris announced. "Before that long break, we met the first set of… _interesting_ newbies and are about to meet the next bunch. Are you guys ready to meet more of your competition?" Chris asked the teens at the end of the dock.

"Sure, if it means we can get out of the sun faster," growled Lucille. She wiped the top of her forehead with the back of her hand. "I'm starting to sweat and my makeup is going to start running."

"I'm with Blondie on this one. If we're not out of this heat anytime soon, I'm leaving to find shade. I refuse to have my looks ruined," stated Willam, crossing her arms.

"Hold on," said Joe. With his finger pointing back and forth at Lucille and Willam, he asked, "Now why would either of you sign up for a show where we are somewhere tropical and yet wear and worry about makeup? That's dumb. We're surrounded by nothing but sun! If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

Willam sniped, "I don't recall asking for your opinion. Don't you have juice to inject in your veins?" **(1)**

Joe narrowed his eyes. "I don't need any. These are all natural."

Chris chuckled and interjected before Willam could retort. "As much as I would love to see this escalate, save this exchange for later. It's time to introduce the thirteenth contestant."

At the host's cue, another submarine arrived. The latch opened and a girl with mocha skin, wavy chocolate hair with bronze lowlights, a large chest, light freckles across her face, and wide but slightly narrow cerulean blue eyes emerged from the machine. She had a slender, slightly curvy body build and wore a sleeveless white sweater with a high collar, black and white Southwestern Aztec tribal print legging, and black knee-high boots. Around her upper arm regions were black Aztec print armbands, draped around her waist was a silver chain accent belt, and atop her head was a matching silver head-chain. She hopped from the sub, showing that in one of her hands was a white envelope.

"This is Velvet," introduced Chris. "Say hi to the national world, Velvet."

"Umm… hello, everyone," she said, bringing her hand up to slightly wave to the camera. Not knowing what else to do, she eventually lowered her arm.

"What's that in your hand?" asked Chris, and he cheekily grinned. "A deport notice?" **(2)**

"What? No, it's for you. Some girl asked me to give it to you," said Velvet, angling the envelope towards Chris for him to take.

However, Chris simply waved one of his hands dismissively, his eyes looking elsewhere. "How 'bout you open it for me? I insist."

Velvet arched an eyebrow. "I don't think that's a good idea," she stated. She tucked the letter into the folds of Chris' arms before turning her heels to join the group.

"You're no fun," pouted Chris. "So would any of you be willing to open this?" He waved the envelope in the air, trying to make it look enticing as possible.

None of the contestants moved except Obediah; he began to raise his hand, but Aiden shot him a warning look and said, "Yah best keep out of it. Trust me." Obediah then lowered his hand.

Chris asked, "What's wrong with you, people? Why aren't any of you willing to do this simple task?" he demanded.

"Probably because none of them are dumbasses," commented a new voice. The latest arrival, much taller than the previous arrival by standing at 6'2, had a stocky, muscular build with broad shoulders. He had brown skin, a thin black moustache, and pecan-shaped dark brown eyes. He wore a simple black t-shirt with the phrase "What Are Those" across the chest, a green durag under a purple and yellow bucket hat atop his head, grey cargo shorts, and red sneakers with black laces. "No one in their right mind should trust you," he said with a mixture of humor and seriousness.

"Oh c'mon CJ, surely you wouldn't want to see what's in it? It could be my bonus pay." Chris held the envelope towards CJ. "If you open it, you can have everything that's in it."

CJ eyed it, and after a few moments shook his head. "Hell nah, bruh. I think I'll pass this for now and focus more on the big prize." He walked past Chris, causing the host to puff out.

"All of you guys suck," grumbled Chris.

CJ didn't say anything much as he joined the group. However, he glanced to his side towards Velvet and said, "Nice chains."

It took several moments for Velvet to realize he was talking to her. "…Thank you," she said, recovering from being caught off guard. CJ nodded once and turned his head towards the front of the dock.

The next contestant that exited the next submarine had a much lighter tone than the previous teens. With rosy-pale skin, she had almond-shaped bright green eyes and red braided hair tied over her left shoulder. Covering her thin waist, large hips, and average-sized chest, she wore a plain purple t-shirt and dark blue jeans tucked into her combat boots. In her arms she carried a black leather jacket. "Wow," she said as she looked in her surroundings, and her eyes widened. "I am definitely not in Kansas anymore." **(3)**

"Obviously," drawled Chris. "This is Christopia, Halo! Welcome to my kingdom."

"Hi, Chris!" Halo replied. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just that you have won a special prize as a commemoration of your arrival." Chris shoved the envelope into her hands.

She smiled. "Cool! What is it?" Halo asked, turning the envelope around to examine the blank front and back sides.

Chris told her, "Open it to find out."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, girl," spoke CJ. "Do you think you should be taking anything from Chris McLean?"

Halo shrugged. "Why not? I like him. And it can't be _that_ bad. We're only on day one." Halo flipped the envelope and opened it, as Chris took a step to the side. She pulled out a card with a picture of a kitten playing with a ball of yarn. She opened it, and a cloud of colorful glitter blasted in her face.

Chris chuckled. "Tsk, tsk, Halo. You should have listened."

Halo wiped glitter away from her eyes. "Well," she said as she blew glitter from her lips. "At least it wasn't itching powder."

"Don't lose your hopes for that to be used. But for now, go on and dust yourself off over there." Chris pointed to the other side of the dock, and Halo complied, still trying to dust herself off and left a trail of glitter where she walked.

The next submarine arrived. After the latch opened, a brown cowboy hat was the first thing to come out, followed by a mess of short blonde hair underneath the hat and piercing brown eyes. The male's tanned body was slim but muscular. He also wore a black scarf and a brown, sleeveless vest covered with some rips and bullet holes embedded in the fabric; the vest was opened and showed off a tattoo of a sheriff's badge on his ripped chest.

He jumped from the top of the submarine and landed on his feet, revealing his full outfit consisting of a bandolier hanging over his left shoulder, black fingerless gloves, cowboy boots, worn-out khaki pants, and a brown belt with a square buckle and a star center and two gun holsters.

Several of the contestants' expressions contorted into a mixture of confusion or disbelief as the incomer's boots clicked as he walked towards Chris.

"The sixteenth contestant is Xander the Gunslinger!" announced Chris. "So those guns are real, correct?"

"Yes," said Xander.

"Would you care to give us a show of how you handle your guns?" the host asked.

Xander remained silent as he pulled out the two revolvers, which glistened in the sun, from the holsters and proceeded to effortlessly flip and twist the guns in his hands and in the air. After five or so seconds, he set them back in their holsters.

"Is it even legal for him to have those on the show?" asked Leah.

Jessica also asked, "And what if one of us gets shot?"

Chris raised his shoulders and held his hands up. "To answer both of your questions: I don't know, and I don't care. I'm sure everything will be fine. Are you going to shoot anybody, Xander?"

"I'll try not to," was all he replied with before he joined the group, causing several contestants to take a step away from him.

"Anyways," Chris continued nonchalantly as the next female contestant left a submarine, "next up is Saoirse!"

"My name is pronounced 'Seer-saw', not 'Say-or-seh'," griped Saoirse, as she wiped her palms on her pants. She had dull blue and round eyes, blonde hair entwined in a Dutch Braid with a red ribbon that reached mid-back, a medium-sized chest, and a skinny, tanned, and hourglass figure. Saoirse's clothing consisted of a green knit jumper, skinny jeans, and plain white Chuck Taylors with neon purple laces. Adorned on her left hand was an amethyst ring, and her ears were decked with rose gold studs and dangly earrings. Finally, her makeup comprised of dark pink lipstick, black mascara, and red nail polish.

"Sure, whatever," replied Chris. "So how was your ride over here?"

Saoirse crinkled her nose as her lips thinned. "Horrible. I smell like sushi sold from a gas station. Whatever happened to riding with class, like on a yacht?"

"Well, the producers—and by producers, I mean me—thought that would have been way too boring since we did that twice. And submarines are pretty cool."

"Ugh, at least the island looks somewhat tolerable," she said and then glanced over towards the other contestants. Her nose upturned. "… Which appears to be more than I can say for these plebeians."

Charolette, who was in the back, sighed. "G-great… another o-one of these p-people."

Though Charolette said this under her breath, Faith heard her and said, "Yeah, right? I guess Chris couldn't resist crazy, daft bimbos." Faith then lightly and jokingly elbowed Charolette in her side; however, Charolette jerked away and squeaked, causing the other present contestants and Chris to look at her. This caused Charolette to turn beet red and hide her face in her hands, mumbling "I'm sorry" over and over into her palms.

"… So there are plebeians _and_ wackos? Even better," said Saoirse, rolling her eyes.

Once Saoirse found a spot in the group, the next submarine latch opened, and a whiff of thick smoke burst from the inside of the machine. Among the smoke arose a brown-skinned, lanky male with long black dreadlocks tied in a yellow, black, green, and red Rasta cup and almond-shaped, reddened, brown eyes. He also wore a green t-shirt with khaki cargo shorts and green sneakers.

Wobbly and slowly, the male climbed out of the submarine and Chris said, "Let's now introduce Ronnie!"

Ronnie shook his head. In a thick Jamaican accent, he said. "Slam, dat was some fuckery ah saw. Da openin' looked like uh battyhole of uh loosaz. Ah shouldn't get frass in dat agayn." **(4)**

"What did he just say?" asked Jal to no one in particular.

"That's some great insight," said Chris, emptily nodding to what he said. "So Ronnie, why did you want to be on Total Drama Revival?" Chris asked.

"Get frass. Now gwey, jinnal," remarked Ronnie, passing Chris. **(5)**

As he walked, his scent drifted towards the other contestants. Although some instantly cringe or curled their lips or covered their noses, others showed either no emotion or rather some interest in him. He didn't pay any mind as he casually pulled out a joint from his pocket and began to light it.

"Do you mind?" sniped Saoirse. "Some of us would rather not smell that!"

"Am I missing something here? First we have guns and now marijuana? Nowhere did the contract say drugs are allowed on the show," pointed out Leah.

"There's no specific rule stating he can't bring it here, either," Chris clarified.

While Obediah was trying to inch away from Ronnie, he pushed his glasses up and said, "As much as I'm for people deciding what they want to do what they want for themselves, I, and perhaps some others might as well, have asthma and cannot breathe that substance in. Can you please have him put it away?" he begged Chris.

Feeling generous (and not quite in the mood for the contestants to start an uproar), Chris said, "All right, all right! Jeez. Put that away, Ronnie. You'll have plenty of time for that later."

Ronnie dabbed the joint's end to stop the smoke and placed it back in his pocket. He muttered incomprehensible words under his breath but remained compliant, with his eyes twitching nervously.

Once the minor incident was solved, Chris said as the latch opened, "Our next contestant is Abigail Delarosa Castillo!" His tongue rolled as he pronounced her name.

"That's my name!" a voice from inside the submarine bellowed. Abigail popped out from it, causing her sheen, jet black hair, which was tied in a side braid, to bounce against her exposed right shoulder. She had light caramel skin, thin, gray, almond-shaped eyes (with eyeliner and eye black), and a somewhat curvy but solid and slim stature with a medium bust.

Quite quickly she slid off the submarine, revealing her top of a pink, off the shoulder, thin, long-sleeved shirt with Swizzlers on the front that reached halfway down her palms with magenta stripes going down the arms. **(6)** Abigail's lacy black bra was exposed, and wrapped around her neck was a white silk scarf with fringe. She also wore dark blue and thigh-length jean shorts and was held by a sparkly magenta belt. "And don't wear it out," Abigail said. Then, her voice taking a sing-song tone, asked "Did you get my gift?"

"Do you mean the envelope?" Chris questioned. After she nodded, Chris said, "Yes, but," he jammed his thumb towards Halo, "I had that idiot over there open it. You can't get me so easily."

Halo, who still had traces of glitter coating her, frowned as Abigail glanced over. "Damn it!" exclaimed Abigail. "I'll get you next time, Chris."

"I doubt it, but good luck anyways."

The next male contestant arrived shortly afterwards. While he stood at an incredibly short and skinny stature when compared to the other guys, he had short black hair, lightly tanned skin, and round brown eyes behind plain glasses. His simple outfit consisted of a size too small, white t-shirt with blue stripes, tan cargo pants, and light orange circles. He quickly climbed out of the submarine as Chris said, "Contestant twenty is Eli. How's it going, dude?"

"I'm doing great! It's all thanks to you and your brilliance," said Eli sweetly, grinning wider than any of the contestants before him.

"That doesn't surprise me," Chris replied. "Go join with the others. We need to start picking up the pace and get the others here."

"Gotcha." Eli took a few seconds glancing at the group before walking towards them. "I like your shirt," he said to Abigail.

Abigail asked with mirth and one hand on her hip, "Are you just saying that because my bra is showing?"

"Oh no. It's because I like Swizzlers, too," he said. "What's your name?"

"Abigail." She then held out her hand.

"Nice to meet you." Eli reached out to shake it. "I'm—" was all he managed to say before electric bolts shot through his body, causing his teeth to chatter and every strand of his dark hair to instantly stick up.

Abigail instantly pulled her hand away. "Oh shit, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to have it on full blast," Abigail opened her palm, revealing an electric hand buzzer.

"It's all right," Eli said, coughing out a puff of smoke.

Chris continued when the next submarine arrived, "Now arriving is Sara."

"What's up, bitches!" Sara greeted with a twisted smile after pushing the latch. Of Asian descent, Sara had almond-shaped chocolate brown eyes, straight bright purple hair that went mid-back with bangs covering her right eyes, and tanned skin. Covering her lean, somewhat muscular body was a dark purple crop top, a black leather jacket, dark ripped skinny jeans, and beat up black converses. Her accessories consisted of a black choker, a silver charm bracelet, silver stud earrings, and a belly button ring.

"Sara, you're, like, the fifth person here wearing leather," stated Chris as Sara landed on the dock. "Why are you wearing that? Leather is overrated, and if you're gonna wear it, wear _actual_ leather. Not the cheap stuff."

Sara scoffed. "Not all of us have so much money that we can wipe out asses with hundred dollar bills."

"Excuse me, I haven't used any type of paper like that in three years. I use specially imported crafted silk tissues."

"Okay Chris, I didn't need to know how you take care of assholes." Sara sauntered away laughing as Chris turned red.

"That comment better not spawn more fanfiction and fanart of me and Chef…" he growled and pressed a button on his ear piece. "Tell the pilots to drive faster no matter the cost!"

Despite Chris' outburst, the atmosphere seemed to change when the next submarine arrived. The change became evident when the new arrival emerged from the opening like a graceful dolphin rising the waters.

With his bright almandine and rakish eyes that resembled a feline's opened, the male shook out his pompadour mane of dark brown hair styled in a side part. He skin held a natural but uneven subtle beige tone across his generously muscled body. The only clothing he wore were khaki board shorts and a pair of brown sandals, but he did wore extensive decorative earrings and ornate necklaces and arm bands. Possibly the most eye-catching aspect of his body was a tribal-tattoo tapestry embedded across his upper back and shoulders.

Chris said, "Joining us is Phoenix, the New-Age Enthusiast."

"What is that?" asked Dev while Phoenix landed on the dock.

"It means many things, but to summarize it, I enjoy philosophy and innovation," explained Phoenix, flashing a brilliant smile at Dev.

"So you're a nerd?" Chris said.

Phoenix's smile faltered a bit as he switched over to the host. "Well, not quite—"

"That sounds like something a nerd would say," Chris said.

Phoenix continued to smile and walked away. When he neared the group, Dev said, "Please tell me more about being a 'New-Age Enthusiast'."

"Gladly," replied Phoenix. Lucille, still clutching to Dev, didn't seem to mind the new conversation that started.

"We're in the final stretch," Chris announced. "We got one more dudette and dude coming in. And it looks like one is already here."

The subsequent submarine emerged from the water without a hitch, but as the last girl started to climb out, the last submarine, still underwater but visible, crashed into the back of the other submarine.

"You idiots! Don't you know how much each of these cost!" Chris yelled.

The sheer power of collided submarines caused the last girl to scream and land headfirst into the water.

"Hold on, miss! I'm coming for yah!" Aiden hollered before anybody could say anything. He kicked off his shoes and dived into the water. Moments later after swimming, Aiden emerged with the new girl attached to his back.

The new girl had large, wide chocolate brown eyes, skin so pale it looked translucent, and light blonde hair so light it looked white; through stringy now, her hair fell down mid-waist with a right side part. After Aiden swam to the dock and near a set of stairs connected to it, Maeve quickly climbed them and showed her wet outfit consisting of a warm yellow cardigan over a mid-thigh, white, spaghetti-strapped summer dress, which covered her small frame and AA-size breasts, and white ballet flats.

"This is so, so, so embarrassing…" whined the girl.

Chris asked with a mischievous grin, "What was embarrassing, Maeve? That you fell on national television or the fact that it caused our first panty shot of the season?"

"What?" she squeaked out, and Chris just laughed harder.

"Relax, I'm just kidding," he snickered. Edited post-production, a small video played next to the host's head showing Maeve falling in the water, clearly zoomed in on her revealed pale pink undergarments.

With nearly all of the attention focused on the dock, no one noticed a figure, the last contestant, carefully tread across the submarines. "Is everybody okay?" he asked when he stood at the edge of the submarine Maeve feel out of. "I tried to get the driver of my submarine to slow down, but he wouldn't listen."

The male was positioned in a way that he was in front of the sun, but when he climbed down from the submarine, his appearance became clear. He had almond-shaped, clover-green eyes, midnight black hair styled in a short, ruffled quiff, and a lean physique. He wore a plain white t-shirt under an open, plaid green button-up shirt, dark blue jeans, and black and white converses.

"Sadly—" Chris said before he was cut off by screams and gasps from several teens in the cast.

"Oh my god!"

"Is that—?"

"No way!"

"I can't believe it!"

The male grimaced as Chris said, "Shut up, people! I know it's time to address the elephant in the room. This is—"

"Darren Vincent Blakely, AKA one of the hottest celebs on Broadway," interrupted Saoirse, moseying her way towards him. "Hello there, handsome," she purred, about to invade his personal space before Chris stepped in and effectively blocked her way.

"That was _my_ line," Chris snapped, and then clasped his hands as she glared at him. "But enough of this. Now that everyone has been introduced, it's time to finally get to the island. Follow me."

Chris led the contestants off the dock. Though Darren found solace when Chris interrupted Saoirse, that didn't stop her from approaching him again and saying, "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm Saoirse."

"Hello," Darren grimaced again, trying his best to smile at her as they walked with the others.

The host led them onto the sandy beach to two totem poles with flags at the top of each.

"Before we get things started, I have to sort you guys into your teams. There will be two teams known as the Twisted Tigers and the Whacky Whales." The pole on the right represented the Twisted Tigers team with a dark blue flag with the black outlining of a snarling tiger's head from a side view. The pole on the left had a dark orange color for the flag and had the full outlining of a mischievously smiling whale and its whole body.

"You know the drill. If I call your name, you go to the flag I designate you to go to—no ifs, ands, or buts! For Twisted Tigers: Abigail, Dev, Faith, Phoenix, Charolette, Joe, Maeve, Aidan, Sara, Ronnie, Halo, and Obediah! The rest: Jal, Xander, Lucille, Willam, Darren, Leah, CJ, Saoirse, Kori, Jessica, Eli, and Velvet, will be known as the Wacky Whales." Chris commanded into his ear piece, "Bring out the carts."

"The next area we're going to requires us to travel by wheel," said Chris. Driving backwards, two interns drove two two-by-six seated carts towards the teens. The carts were painted to reflect the colors of the teams. Another plain cart arrived for Chris. "Get in, losers! We still have a lot of things to do before the day ends."

 **::**

The scene cut, and after driving for the cart for only about ten minutes, the two teams, still sitting in the carts, found themselves in front of a two-story white mansion.

"Whoa…" said Faith.

"Now this is my kind of style," CJ added, grinning.

Chris explained, "This lovely mansion is where the winning team will reside after every challenge. It comes equipped with six furnished bedrooms, a lobby, a fully stocked kitchen, a game room with every console imaginable, an exercise room, three bathrooms, two large Jacuzzis to chill in, and two confession closets. As you can tell from our driving, there is also quick access to the ocean if any of you choose to go swimming."

"Where will the losers sleep?" asked Abigail.

Chris grinned. "Follow me, and you shall see."

After ten more minutes of driving, the forest grew denser and hotter. Eventually they ended up in a small clearing with two bamboo huts set closely to one another.

"This is where the losers will stay. There are no beds, no showers, no electricity, no air conditioning, and the only thing available to eat is from Chef, whom is available at 8 AM, 2 PM, and 8 PM."

On cue, Chef Hatchet arrived pushing a rusty food cart that had a picture of his face crudely drawn on the side, matching his current glare.

"And that stall over there is both the bathroom and the confession stall," Chris said, pointing to the only outhouse available, which was tilted to the side. "It's soundproof, so if you really want to get something off your chest or need to take a massive load, you can do so as you please."

"This is great and all, but the real question is who gets to sleep in which area?" demanded Lucille.

"Considering there isn't a challenge set up, I suppose we will have to use the ancient technique that our ancestors have used since the dawn of time to settle disputes: rock, paper, scissors." Chris tapped his chin as he glanced at all of the contestants. "The two that will represent their teams shall be… Kori and Phoenix. Step out, you two."

Both males stepped out of the carts and approached Chris. Phoenix and Kori stood in front of Chris, both towering him, but Kori stood over Phoenix by a mere inch to his six feet stature.

"We will only do this one time, so make it count."

Phoenix and Kori turned towards each other. "May the best man win," said Phoenix, his eyes flickering at Kori's features. Kori said nothing and lowered his head, focusing on their palms instead. After they set their palms, Chris counted to three. Kori kept his palm closed, but Phoenix opened his wide open placed it over Kori's.

"And it looks like the Twisted Tigers win!" Chris exclaimed. The Twisted Tigers cheered and the Wacky Whales groaned.

Kori hung his head and sighed as if he expected this outcome. Phoenix took his hand off of Kori's but said, "Don't feel down. As said by Kikos Nazantzakis, 'In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.'" **(7)** Phoenix smiled at Kori, whom said nothing.

As Phoenix joined back with his team on the cart, Chris said, "And that concludes today's episode, so go on and use the confessions. I'm sure all of you have something to say."

 **Confessions** :

Kori: His hand was still balled up from the match against Phoenix. His other hand lightly touched his knuckles, and after a few moments he shook his head.

Phoenix: "That Kori fellow was an interesting individual. No words but eye-capturing… It's a shame he's on the other team, though. He'll probably become fodder for the other contestants," he said and shrugged.

Saoirse: "My team better win in the first challenge after the silent freak's screw up!"

Joe: "It looks like this competition is mostly weak with a few exceptions. Once I gain control and weed out the stronger competitors early in the game, I can totally win this. It'll be easy once people see how great of a leader I am."

Faith: "Well, today was not what I expected. Besides the obvious wankers Chris chose, I tried to be nice to that one girl, and she got upset by me. It looks like it this season may the most shambles out of all of them." **(8)**

Charolette: "It started out w-well for me at first… and t-then it all w-went to shit," she breathed, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I kn-know I don't look m-much… but d-don't count me out yet. I m-made it on the s-show, and I… I won't let this ch-chance slip away."

Xander: He simply sat in the stall, shining his gun. He glanced at the camera once before looking back down.

Halo: She attempted to wipe off traces of glitter left over from the incident. "I like glitter, but it's like an STD: once you get it, it's hard to get rid of. Well, that and among other things," she said, chuckling to herself. "But after today, harmless pranks will be the least of my worries on this show."

Wilam: Now with his wig off, he revealed his fringed dirty blonde hair and was in the process of wiping off his makeup. "My team isn't entirely bad, but it looks like I will have to show quickly that _I'm_ the Head Bitch in Charge, no matter what I'm wearing."

Eli: "I'm on a team full of idiots," he groaned, face palming.

Leah: "My team looks hopeless, but I guess I will have to make the best out of it." She paused and then said, "But some of them don't sit well for me, and I'm not talking about the obvious choices."

Lucille: Her arms were crossed. "Thanks to Chris, all of the attractive people are on the other team. Well, most of them," she said, smirking afterwards. "Making Mr. Broadway fall for me will be a cinch."

Darren: He sighed. "I came on the show hoping that I could get away from my celebrity status for a little while and be normal… Well, as normal as a reality star can be." He paused. "But it seemed that not everyone knew of my status or at least didn't freak out as much as others. Maybe I can be just me for a while." He smiled.

Maeve: "Thank goodness that guy Darren showed up when he did. It was horrible thinking that, thinking that, thinking that everyone saw me exposed." She blushed. "I should thank the guy who helped me in the water…"

Aiden: With one hand combing through his curled hair, he said, "It sure wus an excitin' day meetin' so many people… and cute ladies and gentlemen, too," he added, grinning in a way that didn't exactly match his eyes. "I wonder if any one of them can be uh match for me."

Dev: "Besides that encounter with that one male from earlier," he frowned, but his face lit up again afterwards, "today has been amazing. I can't wait to experience life as an American boy!"

Jal: She wrote something in her book and she spoke aloud. "Although it would have been amazing to have stayed in a mansion on the first day, I don't think it will be terrible sleeping in the forest. This place looks quite serene, actually. I hope my team will feel the same way… Nah, who am I kidding? It'll probably be ten minutes until the first fight breaks out."

CJ: "I want to thank all of my friends and family that have supported me getting to this point, as well as my lord and savior, Jesus. I will do my best to make everyone proud." He grinned and held two thumbs up.

Sara: "I only have one thing to say: I'm in it to win it."

Jessica: Cracking her knuckles, she said, "The first thing I need to do is to make an alliance before someone else does. My gut—and common sense—tells me I'm on a team full of backstabbers. Finding people for the alliance is gonna be a pain in the ass, though."

Abigail: "I'm totally gonna get Chris at some point. He might think he's smart, but that will only make his downfall even greater." She leaned against the stall, only to cause her butt to slide into the toilet's mouth.

Obediah: "It appears that I have already made some companionships on the first day, and one of them is on my team! I am incredibly grateful to Chris for this opportunity. I don't quite see how he's odious like many claim."

Velvet: "If Chris knew of my family's history, what else does he know?" she asked, her eyes widening.

Ronnie: Lighting up a joint, he said, with a grave look in his eyes, "Deres sum'tin wrong wit dis place. Ah can feel it in me bones."

 **::**

 **References:**

 **(1) Juice is slang for steroids.**

 **(2) Velvet's family was deported, and Chris knows this because, well, he's definitely the type to snoop into the pasts of his contestants.**

 **(3) The Kansas comment is from The Wizard of Oz and is used since Halo is from Kansas.**

 **(4) "Fuck, that was some fucked up bullshit I saw. That opening looked like the asshole of a loose woman. I shouldn't get stoned in that again."**

 **(5) "Get stoned. Now fuck off, conman."**

 **(6) Swizzlers=Twizzlers.**

 **(7) Kikos Nazantzakis=Nikos Kazantzakis. He's a Greek writer and philosopher.**

 **(8) Wankers=jerks and shambles=chaotic.**

 **::**

And this concludes the first episode. I apologize for not updating for months, but I've had a lot of mental and physical issues (as well as school) that have impaired me from even doing anything on a lot of days. But for now on I will try to update at least one chapter a month. I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as good as expected, but things will hopefully become smoother as we go on.

Anyways, thanks for reading!


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